Jordan King-Lacroix has found evidence that suggests Tony Abbott is doing a great job as PM; with every news decision he makes, he unites the whole nation.
Since 2013, the Abbott government has been under fire for its controversial and often poorly regarded decisions, no one more so than the Prime Minister himself. However, new evidence has arisen from a specially devised team of political analysts and statisticians that suggests Tony Abbott may, in fact, be doing an excellent job.
“Australia is more united than it’s ever been,” lead analyst Dr. Jasmine Tanaka said in a press release. “Every decision Tony Abbott makes that causes controversy brings the population closer and closer together, prompting the need for radical reform.”
The evidence gathered by the team, titled the National Action Review Committee (NARC), shows that Abbott made his controversial decisions at peak moments of fear and anxiety among the populace, which were followed by long periods of unity and uproar.
“Whenever the citizenry would become complacent and scared, the Prime Minister would make a decision or give a speech on a topic that would get them riled and ready again,” researcher Rajesh Agrawal later said at a conference, “…it shows nous in leadership, a finger on the pulse”
“No matter the potential damage to the nation’s credibility or stability as a whole, it would always draw the citizenry together, forcing them to act as a single, unified whole. It really is something masterful.”
NARC’s review suggests that Abbott has turned himself and consequently the entire Liberal party, into martyrs for the nation of Australia, making choices that will benefit its future in the long run.
“When this government inevitably leaves, and a new government elected, remember to thank them for the hard choices they made,” Dr. Tanaka went on to say. “The choices to deliberately go down the wrong path, to say and do the wrong thing, in order to bring the people together.”
Now that’s leadership.