Bianca Farmakis is back to analyse the hyperbole used by Kanye West in his Twitter spat with Wiz Khalifa, and as she claims, Ye has changed the game.
The part-time rapper, occasional fashionista and professional narcissist Kanye West recently took to Twitter to voice his opinion on Wiz Khalifa’s criticism of his new album name.
Of course, Mr West was in the building, throwing shade in every direction and causing such rising massive waves in the Twittersphere, elevating the humble social media squabble in such a contemporising fashion, it has forced us to rethink the insult.
So, applying the logic espoused by West, how do you to win a Twitter war?
Insults are a part of life. They’ve transcended the dawn of time. If Coco Chanel were still alive, she’d probably say they’re the only thing that will never go out of style.
And as they’ve developed through the ages, from crude cave drawings to the Shakespearean thumb bite directed at a nemesis, in this new-age world marked by malicious millennials, certain social media platforms (namely Twitter) have become the best way to tell us how you really feel about someone.
And hey, why say it to someone’s face when you can disrespect them by tapping into a 4G-hotspot connection off their iPhone and using all of their data?
But of course, as with everything, no commentary goes without rebuttal, and since you may one day find yourself engulfed in a social media shit-talk shit-storm, when it comes to advice on how to survive the Vietnam War of virtual vindication, we can look no further than our founding fathers of defamation for advice: fast food corporations, Kanye West, TV sitcom writers and Amber Rose.
Step 1) Pick the right opponent
It’s a no-brainer. You’ve got 140 rounds in your machine gun to verbally mow someone down. You don’t want to be up against a tank with sixteen metres of reinforced bulletproof riposte.
So that feud you have against that bitch Cindy from biology is going to have to wait until you ask yourself some questions. Can I beat this person? Will I regret this? Are they better at comebacks than me?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, you best get back in the trench, soldier.
Kanye shows us how to pick the right opponent by preying on someone who lacks his “OG” status. Not only does Kanye outwit (kind of) Wiz Khalifa, but he dot-point destroys his entire life, everywhere from his music to his choice of baby mamas. The sheer consistency, veracity and force in which West disses his assailant on Twitter shows optimum usage of the 140 characters and limited focus space on the Internet. After 17 reasons why Wiz Khalifa can’t touch him, and numerous unnumbered tweets in between, West had successfully locked, stocked and barrelled his opponent. He distracted from his creative process, after all.
But hey, at least Wiz Khalifa has cool pants. And he has joints to roll.
Step 2) Pick your allies
If you’re going to go public with your beef, you better have other cooks in the kitchen to get that meal served just right. No one loves just a Lone Ranger. Everyone needs to see you have that Indian sidekick, Tonto.
Just like fast food taught us that we can’t order a quarter pounder without a medium fries, Taco Bell and Red Bull teamed up in the best way possible to show case that shit-talk surely works better in twos.
Step 3) Don’t bring a gun to a knife fight
Never take the cheap shot – conversational snipers always execute with precision and calculated skill. As said by Modern Family writer Danny Zuker on his feud with Donald Trump: “Whomever you choose to engage with, avoid commenting on physical appearance. It’s a cheap shot that lowers you to your opponent’s level. Even if their skin is orange or their hair resembles the coat of a rejected breed at the Westminster Kennel Club. You and I are better than that. Have fun and be careful out there.” To put it simply, the feud between trump and Zuker went as follows:
Trump: “You’re a total loser!”
Zuker: “Your insults need work. Here’s one I’ve been working on: ‘Every picture you post of yourself is a dick pic.’ See?”
And of course, when you compare the comedy series – Modern Family and Trump’s Presidential Campaign – it’s pretty clear who we would rather take insult cues from.
Step 4) Know your limitations
It all comes back to who you fight and where you come from. Kanye, you are a king of Twitter wars, but no matter what, the whole world is always going to remember just where Amber Rose but her fingers on you. If you need a reminder, she put two in his “booty ass bitch” and one to her lips to make sure Kanye shut the hell up.
And finally, In case of emergency:
Step 5) If in doubt, meme it out
Too many wars have been started on Twitter with incredible loads of articulate ammunition. Sometimes you just need some straight up propaganda to help you out. And as far as things go, the right meme can shut just about anyone up, or at the very least, many can drown them out.