Sam Blacker

TBS etiquette guide for the discerning former PM

etiquette

Approx Reading Time-10After Tony Abbott purportedly “dropped in” on another’s wave, we feel that pious re-education in the ways of proper etiquette is needed.

 


A recent pictograph of our other Primer Minister is doing the rounds of various printed media outlets, displaying our elected statesman hangin’ loose whilst fangin’ the gnarly lumber on a slick rightie. Unfortunately, the photo also shows Mr Abbott inadvertently dropping in on a fellow surf-rider. This act is seen as not court in the complex world of surf etiquette; the results of such a transgression are usually handled in a manner fitting those shown in this instructional video. Due to the established rules, his behaviour could be viewed as a few notches south of proper.

Alas, this is not the first faux pas Mr Abbott has made, and one trained (as we are) in the arts of etiquette and applied politeness may view his concurrent approach to life as in a state of polite imbalance. The courtesy needle is more toward “punching the wall beside someone’s head” instead of “shaking their hand.” Which means that perhaps, he hasn’t been schooled in the realms a lot of social etiquette. Which means his current behaviour can be unlearned.

So to help him out, we have created our own crash course in personal etiquette.

To avoid offending people, avoid those who offend people.

When met with this situation, a firm “no” is the best course of action. It’s best to distance yourself from the sort of people who call a person a witch. Continued social interaction with this calibre of company rarely reflects well on you.

Source: discordia.com.au

Source: discordia.com.au

When you’re upset with someone’s actions, don’t liken them to a war criminal.

We all get our knickers in a twist occasionally, but how one handles one’s detractors is what makes one a gentleman. For example, Mr Abbott, when you are displeased with someone in the workplace, it’s best not to loudly label them as one of history’s most reviled figures.

As a general rule of thumb, it’s best not to mention the Holocaust, unless it’s to agree what an awful state of affairs it was. It’s disrespectful, and again, it reflects poorly on you.

How you exit a job is as important as how you enter it.

The discerning gentleman loses his employment. It’s a fact of the gentleman’s life. But know this: appearance matters. While you may well be within your rights to be upset at the situation, there is a correct way of handling disappointment. After all, who knows if or when you’d be working in the same building. What would happen then?

The last option you should pursue is letting your anger speak for you, or going AWOL for almost a business day before chairing a raucous box-social which focuses on the mysterious destruction of furniture. That sort of behaviour is absolutely beneath someone of title.

After all, trusting people to keep secrets breeds gossip, and in turn, gives one a negative reputation. That reputation may risk the memory of your achievements in the workplace or at the very least, circulates unfair “joshing” revelry behind one’s back:

bufftone

Stand by your word, not across the street from it.

While title may not always dictate behaviour, the discerning gentleman should endeavour to stick to whatever word he has uttered. For better or worse. If one publicly claims that there will be “no sniping,” then no sniping there shall be. If one seeks to snipe, by all means. But only before one makes the claim to not do it. That’s proper.

In conclusion, good manners is a mirror. What you’d like to see in others, is how you should be treating others. But when in doubt, Mr Abbott, it’s best to follow the opposite.

Chin chin.

 

Sam Blacker

Sam Blacker is a radio jock at Wave FM Wollongong, but in his spare time will talk bollocks with a bit of swearing when he co-hosts the podcast Shut Up I’m Talking. Find him on Twitter @blackersam and check out the podcast at: www.shutupimtalkingpodcast.com.

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