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While you were asleep: Abbott’s regret, Census nag and the EPL launches

Abbott

Approx Reading Time-10Morning! Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, Abbott recounted his actions and was excoriated for doing so, the ABS nagged us, and the EPL launched.

 

 

 

Abbott rethinks actions on Malaysia, Labor clicks tongue.

Hindsight and self-reflection are marvellous things in the pursuit of self-improvement. Unless you live in the world of politics, and especially if you happen to be Tony Abbott. Yesterday, the ex-Prime Minister looked back in introspective anger at his decision not to back the Gillard Government’s Malaysia plan (which involved sending 800 asylum seekers for 4,000 processed refugees), and from his inability then to back the scheme, he believes that the weed of “hyper-partisan” politics of now grew from those cracks.

Which, as you could imagine didn’t go strictly well in the land of the Internets:

Nor did it on the other side of the floor, with Stephen Conroy losing his particular biscuit, using a term that no-one uses outside of television, politics or couple argument in “gobsmacked”, before telling Sky News that the twin-headed hydra named Manus & Nauru wouldn’t have flapped its wings, raining on everyone’s political picnic. The owner of the red picnic blanket, Bill Shorten, challenged the Coalition to launch an in-depth inquiry into the Manus/Nauru issue, stating:

“I think it’s very telling that Tony Abbott himself said that he wishes he’d gone with Labor’s Malaysia solution a few years ago and we could have perhaps avoided what we’re seeing now.”

 

ABS not going to Plan B, asks Australia to complete its homework.

Committing the cardinal sin of not preparing the lesson, the ABS has lost control of the classroom. Honestly, we’ve lost respect for the teacher, so we’ve decided to carve our initials into the desk instead of putting pen to paper. Talking to Sky News this morning, the Census Program Manager (which no longer looks that good on the resume), Duncan Young, admitted that he was worried about the low-number of reports turned in. “We are working towards getting to as close to 100 per cent as we can”, he said, before reiterating to class that the assignment is still due, despite the fact that we didn’t have the test on the day of test, stating: “In order to make sure Australia gets the census it needs people do need to fill out their forms, we are not working on any other plans”.

What are you going to do, Census? Send us to Detention?

 

EPL launches with old Arsenal joke, bamboozles fans.

Anyone who follows the EPL, even on the most casual poser level of fandom, knows the situation with Arsenal. They compete, fail at season’s end, search for a world-class striker, miss out. As history tends to do (repeat), it has done exactly that, but, fortunately for the rest of the footballing public, this pathetic tableau was brilliantly satirised by a further joke. It’s like Joke-ception. The joke within the joke involved a fake player being walked down the street, as Arsenal fans were asked about their “new signing”.

Guys, you’re coming off as desperate…

 

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