Well, one year closer to the grave and no wiser, but more burgers. Welcome back to the first mortal jaunt of 2017. Well, less of a jaunt, and more a slow wobble, desperately short of breath.
Here’s what I’ve been up to over the holiday period. I signed up for Instagram, and slipped ever closer to the void. But, hey, Instagram. As I take my first wobbling steps into 2017, I’ve been busy with important business. Like the destruction of my colon in the name of art. That important business. I’ve also been asked to jot down notes of the “experience”, although truth be told I’m unsure how much meaning I can extract from a greasy blur.
Exhibit A: Cheeseburger + Chicken burger @belfieldonbotany
What’s on it:
Chicken burger – Fried chicken, streaky bacon, avocado, cheese, baby rocket, homemade aioli
Cheeseburger – Beef patty, two cheeses, pickles, onions, ketchup, mustard, mayo
The only thing about the experience that struck me were the words of that girl from the Old El Paso ad. And that’s why there’s two.
Exhibit B: The Ninedonut @barlucasydney
What’s on it:
👾8-bit beer brined fried chicken
👊🏼Crunchy peanut butter
👸🏼Princess Peach jam
🐷3UP maple bacon
🍩 On a @grumpydonutsofficial bun
Notes: Good lord, and good whoever else is up there; it be what it looks like. It’s a burger, mated in captivity with some sort of donut. As Ian Malcolm stated in Jurassic Park: nature always finds a way. This found its way into my heart (and is currently stapled to my left ventricle).
Exhibit C – The Kamikaze @chickycharchar Alexandria
What’s in it?
Crispy fried honey chicken, streaky bacon, pickled gherkins, creamy slaw, pickled ginger, wasabi mayo
Notes: The wasabi mayo drove the emotional Shinkansen toward me, and yea, I did not flinch – but would mainline it, if given the opportunity to do so. Itadakimasu!
See you in hell. Or next week. Whichever comes first.