Good Judgement Day to you all. Today, I yearn for the rapture. What happened while you were asleep? Well, the Alt-Right found it’s new Pepe, we have a suspect in the murder of Kim Jong Nam, and the Nokia 3310 is back, for fudge’s sake.
Pepe the Frog regenerates into Trash Dove, Alt-Right has an emblem of meme hate once more.
Have you seen this bird?
If you have, you are Facebook friends with a Nazi. (Or perhaps you yourself are a new-age Nazi. Well done, there.) For those who haven’t, the bird above, known scientifically as the Trash Dove (White Supremacist Birdus) is a species of Internet fowl that fell in with the wrong crowd and turned foul.
Originally the creation of a Floridian artist (not a Nazi), it soon went viral in Thailand for some reason (again, not Nazis) which then fell into the hands of the Alt-Right (some Nazis) who spammed a CNN article comment box with the seemingly harmless bird, and it all crashed through the floor from there.
The elevation of the Trash Dove to hate idol is to replace Pepe the Frog, which was banned by the Anti-Defamation League for the anti-semitic undercurrent that played Pepe’s entrance. As we do know, Nazi’s love a symbol. And as the Trash Dove replaces Pepe, who replaced the Swastika, it behoves us to take it seriously, as the memes have already begun. Perhaps we should not punch a nazi, but rather, shoot down a pigeon.
Suspect arrested in the murder of Kim Jong Nam, half-brother of glorious Kim.
In a lazy, haphazard conclusion more familiar to a Clancy novel than real life (come at me, Tom), two women poisoned an exiled almost-Kim at an airport terminal before fleeing the scene in a taxi. The victim was Kim Jong Nam, the half brother of the current leader of North Korea, the one who was famously turfed out of the land of drab wonder for the heinous crime of wanting to visit Tokyo Disneyland.
The details, however, are not particularly lols. Waiting for a flight to Macau, the Vegas of South East Asia, a woman who “looked Korean” administered the rather heinous death of poison leaking into one’s peepers. Blergh.
Kim, stung by the liquid couldn’t open his eyes,approached counter staff for help, he was rushed to hospital,reportedly died on way: SinChew
— Melissa Goh (@MelGohCNA) February 14, 2017
Since then, a woman has since been arrested. Although details are skint at this stage, she was holding a Vietnamese passport, which, in the world of international hijinks, could mean everything, or absolutely nothing.
The US believes that North Korean operatives pulled the trigger on Kim. Question is, why now? He was turfed out of North Korea in 2003, and yes he was periodically critical of the place, but liquidated in an airport? Come on. He had to live out his life outside the magic kingdom for wanting to visit the magic kingdom. Hadn’t he already suffered enough?
Nokia to dust off corpse of the 3310 ten, hipsters of the world suddenly get taller.
Oh, fuck off. Mark the day, roll out the barrel, return one’s vocal timbre to its previous teen Bee Gee squeak, because I’m 15 all over again. The Nokia 3310, the darling of members of my generation who choose not to choose adulthood, and the trusty never-turned-on phone of grandparents everywhere, is apparently back.
— The Verge (@verge) February 15, 2017
Before we all succumb to the last heaving desperate blows of hipsterdom, let me hit you with some knowledge. The Nokia 3310 was rubbish then, and compared to what we accept as our basic rights of technology, it will surely be rubbish now. For those who missed out on the first time around, let me catch you up: it had great battery life, because it had nothing on it. If you could occasionally stooge the carrier settings, you could garner unlimited texts, but you were so unsure if it worked or not you risked nuking your credit. Save for Snake, about which the kids today look on in heartbreaking apathy when we try to describe it’s brilliance, and the ability to download your pixellated home screen logo that sort of didn’t look like what you wanted it to, it was shit. And it was a phone. A phone and nothing else. Anyone else tells you different, it means they didn’t actually have one.
Shame on you, Nokia. If you want to do a retro-reboot, bring back the 7600.
Top five Tweets from overnight:
When you see Maradona trending and are praying he is not dead …then you realise he is trending because he hit his girlfriend #Maradona
— TheOnsideRef (@TheOnsideRef) February 15, 2017
Seen Rolf Harris trending. Got my hopes up, then realised he’s not dead, he’s just a nonce
— Mehreen (@josemehrinho) February 15, 2017
No one is safe from PM Steal Yo Girl! pic.twitter.com/TYrTV1U4CN
— Daniel (@DannyDutch) February 14, 2017
roses are red
violets have heft
capitalism is dead
all property is theft
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) February 14, 2017
Enough with the weird flavours, T2. pic.twitter.com/S96czBzLCn
— Jennifer Wong (@wojennifer) February 15, 2017