Hailee Walker

Modern love is a strange percentile (and other dating figures)

Approx Reading Time-11A whole bevvy of revamped statistics has made the idea of finding love on a date all the more unlikely, but also rather more interesting. J’accuse, sex interview!

 

 

 

Dating is confusing. It always has been an emotional minefield, however it just got a whole lot more complicated. According to the annual Singles in America survey, there are some major new trends in the dating world that you may not be aware of.

Gone are the days where there were some guidelines for how dating and courtship evolved. You know the story: two people meet, and there is a spark, an attraction. They like each other and arrange to go on a date. I will stop right there with my story because this is where one of the major changes to dating has occurred. In 2017 sex before the first date is becoming common practice. As USA Today reports on the survey, over a third of singles have had sex before their first date, and “millennials are 48% more likely to have sex before a first date than all other generations of singles.” Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who helped develop the representative survey of more than 5,000 singles, says “We have a real misunderstanding of millennials. I think they are very career oriented, so sex before the first date could be a sex interview, where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.”

The rise in popularity of hookup apps has made it very easy to find someone to have sex with. For many millennials, sex is no longer considered intimate. For them, sex has become a casual interaction, almost a given, whereas in previous generations, having sex has often marked the point where a couple moved from friends to lovers. Sex was part of the evolution of a couple and often involved a level of emotional commitment and vulnerability. For this group of millennials, the real intimacy is getting to know someone on the date – if they pass the sex interview, that is.

What is also interesting is that 57% of millennials are lonely and a huge 125% are more likely to admit that they are addicted to the process of making a love connection versus other generations. This makes me wonder how the sex interview technique is really working out for them.

This representative survey also revealed some other interesting finds.

If you want to have more sex, book an Uber and talk to the driver about your love life. Doing this makes you three times more likely to have sex. It is also a good idea to stop with the dick pics now, guys. Millennials, I am looking at you, you are the main culprits. 47% of you are still sending them and of the 53% of women have been on the receiving end of one, 49% did not request it. So remember, don’t show your member unless asked.

What about love? 30% of singles are longing to find romantic love. 68% of men want to find love this year and millennials are 177% more likely to fee overwhelming pressure to get married, mostly due to a fear of missing out which is triggered by social media.

Now, let’s talk about your phone. Did you know that you are being judged on your suitability as a partner based on which phone you own? According to Fisher, “Singles don’t like people who have a cracked phone, or an old phone or those who use a clicking sound when typing.” Is it time for an upgrade perhaps? If you do make it to a first date, stay off your phone; 75% of singles think that answering your phone on a date as a huge turn-off.

Also, be careful what you post on social media because your posts are being scrutinised more than ever before. You are being assessed on the quality of your pictures, grammar, teeth, smile and clothing. It is not all bad news for technology, though; 270% think it’s hot if you’re binge-watching the same TV show, 29% think actual phone calls are a big turn on, and, if all this pressure to have a high standard of social media accounts gets too much for you, you could always get off social media; 26% of singles see that as a turn on.

Are you wondering who should pick up the bill on your dates? 71% of men find it attractive and intriguing when a woman offers to split the bill, but to be clear, 86% of women only do it to feel free from any perceived post date obligation such as a hug, kiss, second date or even sex.

What about love? 30% of singles are longing to find romantic love. It has long been thought that men were dragging their feet when it comes to love and commitment but this is not the case. 68% of men surveyed want to find love this year and both sexes are feeling the pressure to do so. Millennials are 177% more likely to feel an overwhelming pressure to get married, mostly due to a fear of missing out which is triggered by social media.

Millennials, the thing to remember is new trends arise as we seek to find lasting love, however, I think it is important to remember that trends are simply trends – they come and go. That real love, intimate and committed love, is best developed by real human connection and over time. There are no shortcuts and to judge someone on the type of phone they use or the quality of their social media photos is a recipe for a life of shallow and empty connections. You will ultimately push genuine people away from you.

In saying that, I realise that is most likely for nothing; the study also revealed that 65% of you don’t listen to dating advice anyway.

 

Hailee Walker

Hailee Walker is known in Australia as ‘The Couples Counsellor’. She is a qualified relationship specialist who specialises in working with couples and individuals to strengthen and rebuild their relationships. She lives in Sydney with her 3 children, husband and dog Millie. You can find her at www.haileewalker.com and follower her at Instagram/the_couples_counsellor

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