Lonnie Smith’s is your classic Cinderella story…if Cinderella happened to beat up mascots and climb mountains of blow.
If you are one of the many who haven’t heard of Lonnie Smith (as The Big Smoke hadn’t), you’ve missed out. Lonnie was a horse that trotted the circuit that was baseball in the ’80s, a time of excess – and Lonnie raced to surpass that excess. Hailing from the now-famous streets of Compton, Lonnie believed in two things:
1) physically abusing those who take the piss, and
2) performance enhancement through excessive drug consumption. (See also the man who pitched a no-hitter on LSD.)
Ironically, in the Lewis Carroll-esque landscape of 1980s baseball, where the mascots were the dealers, Smith was only run out of the game after he got clean. To solve this problem, he decided he’d gain revenge by the medium of firearm, and claim the man who had fired him. If that wasn’t strange enough, to use a clickbait fishhook aphorism, what happened next…will shock you.
Lonnie Smith’s comeback is something that even celluloid wouldn’t touch, as a prehistoric Cinderella rode his improbable pumpkin cart, with coke spoon in hand, to the top step of the ball, as dead legends of the game looked on in abject horror.
Welcome to the next instalment of SB Nation‘s Pretty Good, bringing us the entirety of the Lon-sanity.