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While you were asleep: May calls election, 457 job list out, Centrelink catches fire

May

Approx Reading Time-10Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, Theresa May Brexit-proofed her reelection, we know what jobs can no longer be worked on the 457 and a Centrelink office caught fire in Frankston.

 

 

 

Hold onto your sporrans, and ancient distrust of the English, Scotland, because you’re irrelevant once more. After claiming that it was “not the right time” for the Scottish Referendum, it is seemingly the right time to talk about leadership in Theresa May’s Britain. The artist who should have been in line to play the next incarnation of the Doctor, after all, she was able to convince and entire nation* (*sort of) that they travelled back to 1953, fixing the Tardis of imperialism with the sonic screwdriver of suppressed racism. Overnight, the woman known only* as the Doctor (*also Theresa) appeared from stage left, informing the audience that they were in grave danger and they had to immediately follow her into a general election before the evil/woke Daleks down the wall and scream Brexterminate!

Mind you, if the election was held today, May would rocket back into re-election, with popular opinion at her back.

See you on June 8, then.

via GIPHY

 

Further 457 visa details known, 187 to existing holders.

Yesterday afternoon, Malcolm Turnbull announced that he would be gutting the 457 visa process in order to make jobs more accessible to everyday Australians. With the PM light on details, the Internet spent the rest of the night in speculation. As there are over 100,000 457 holders employed right now, it is set to be a very difficult time. They will be able to apply for the new working visa, but you’d imagine that not all of those applicants will be able to keep their jobs – if they were, the point of the scrap would be useless. It’d be just moving the entirety of that workforce onto a different visa. Different provisions, sure, but the same problems would exist.

With that in mind, the following list contains the jobs that can no longer be worked on a 457 visa.

 

Centrelink office catches fire in Frankston, thousand pipe salute aired in respect.

I can pick on Centrelink folk, because for many years, I was one of them. I sat in that whitewashed room, with propaganda playing in an endless loop in the background, mornings spent watching the floor. With that in mind, you could imagine the combination of glee, rage and jealously that met the news that the dole office in Franga fuckin’ burnt down, brah.

I’d imagine through the Chinese whispers of the exact details that the fire itself would have been praised. But after the fanciful theories of how they’d do it (and whether it can be considered plagiarism if someone stole your idea), it’s worthy to mention that no-one was hurt.

Ohhh hektik, lad.

 

The top five Tweets from overnight.

 

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