TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: US senator shot, Sun burnt by poll, burgers in space

Well, fudge. Overnight we’ve had an elected official shot, comeuppance for crimes against photoshop and a burger going into space before any of us. Luckily our existence has no meaning.

 

 

 

Republican senator shot at baseball diamond, both survive to extra innings.

Two towering American past times clashed overnight, as taking aim (literally) at elected officials clashed with the baseball diamond, with Republican Senator Steve Scalise relocated to a Virginian hospital with gunshot wounds. Early reports state that Scalise is alive, as is the transgressor, both now under the palm of medical treatment. The flash (officially) is two wounded, and the rhetoric has extended its legs, with Rand Paul stating that “it would have been a massacre” if security forces were not present at the moment of the crunch.

So, it seems that the American equation of more guns beating guns is the easiest sum to attach to this awful act. Although, from an outsider’s opinion here, if the public had less access to guns (CNN claimed it was a “large gauge rifle”), there’d be less of these incidents painted in viscera.

Just sayin’.

 

Looking at The Sun sends readers blind come election day: poll.

Everyone remembers this front page, primarily because it was only last week’s. But also because it was hatchet journalism in the classic Whitechapel pomp, lampooned all the way to the grimy, pimpled hands of the metal scene.

Sepultura, etc. Now, as it turns out, that particular piece of bent brilliance fell flat on election day, as an exit poll of readers of that particular publication revealed that only 28% of them voted the way photoshop told them to.

Still, could be worse.

 

KFC launch Zinger into space, Galileo Galilee’s tombstone cries blood.

Space. The final frontier…for shithouse marketing ploys. Remember last year when that Austrian bloke bellyflopped into the stratosphere thanks to the awesome power of Red Bull? Didn’t it just make you dream, and dream, of a liver not punctured by the horns of taurine toro? Well, the other torturer of interior functions, KFC, have decided to enter this dick-measuring contest by putting a Zinger burger into space.

Moving aside from the lazy joke about the myriad drunks launched into space to pursue it (and regret it on re-entry), there’s a larger issue at hand. We did this. One of us. Our species. Somewhere there’s a vastly intelligent lifeform who is going to want answers, in why we choose to devote our genius to launching lunch into space.

I hope we have an answer ready. Also, is it too early to roll up a bucket of chicken? I want to be an astronaut.

 

The top five tweets from overnight:

 

 

 

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