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While you were asleep: Cassie’s plea deal rejected, face yoga a thing, valentine’s day for books

We’re all still here. Hooray? Cassie Sainsbury may face 30 years in the pen, the horrible of face yoga gazes at us, but I’ll be celebrating Book Lovers Day, so do your worst, world.

 

Cassie Sainsbury’s plea deal rejected, Colombian ex-pat explains why.

There’s a thing you should know about the Colombians. They’re an extremely proud people, desperate to break themselves from the worldwide assumption that they’re all coke heads. They’re not that far removed from the cartels ostensibly running the country, but even back then, the general populace quietly rebelled against Pablo and friends, the voice has just got louder, even if the cartels still operate. Simply put, the residual cocaine on the nose of the country is aggressively wiped, even if it’s no longer there.

 

If you’re looking for a primary reason why Australia’s Own Tony Montana, Cassie Sainsbury, has had her plea deal rejected by the presiding judge this morning, that’s why. Juan, a Colombian ex-pat, confided to The Big Smoke about this mindset: “We see the whole thing as a smear on the national identity, as the world see us…I wouldn’t be surprised if they push, and get the maximum sentence, directly speaking to those who consider damaging the progress made. Cassie, is now a tool for national pride.”

If found guilty, Sainsbury faces a maximum sentence of 3o years.

 

Face Yoga now a thing, world forces Kim’s finger onto the nuclear button.

Every so often, the morning finds you well. The grass sings, the sky falls in and the possibilities make you intoxicated at the breakfast table. The barometer that signals these days, to me at least, is to find an opportunity to wheel out this shifting lazy tableau of millennial rebellion.

 

via GIPHY

 

Allow me to apologise on behalf of my generation once again (which would make for a rad tattoo), but it seems that ‘Face Yoga’ is a thing, or what you’d call back in my day, which ironically is today, stop making stupid faces, what’s wrong with you. Now, the equation, much like regular yoga, is simple. Bend your person in strange new ways, and get smug, and smug you may well get to be, as apparently, it halts the process of ageing. Which is amazing. No product on the Internet has ever promised such a thing before.

 

Now, it seems like a joke, but it’s completely devoid of comedy.

Is it therefore serious?

 

 

In honour of Book Lovers Day, reader promises to remain faithful.

I’m unsure what the rules are for pseudo holidays, if in fact, that we celebrate Cats, Banoffi or apathy the same time the Americans do on Twitter, but bugger it. Today is Book Lovers Day, and as the great urban author Ice Cube once articulated, today is indeed a day of worth.

Not really anything to add here, bar a promise. In honour of this storied day, I for one, will be turning the phone off at lunch time to pour over a chapter of one of the eight books I’ve started. Actually, I’ll go a bit further. My book polygamy is confusing me. It doesn’t feel good anymore. I solemnly swear to remain faithful to one literary partner.

But which one? They’re all so damaged and beautiful. Look at my wives that sleep in a suitcase. Look at theeemmmm.

 

 

So, are you going to show us yours, or what? Eh? Without the book jackets, of course.

Don’t be shy. #PutOurYourLiterarySpouses

 

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