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While you were asleep: Millennial takes Austria, Hillary abuses Assange, actor stems Woody

Good moleman to you. Overnight we saw the rise of the political millennial in Austria, Hillary Clinton absolutely destroy her ex, and the expulsion question shifted ever closer to Woody Allen’s doorstep. 

 

 

Millennial rockets to the top of Austrian politics, unleashes old horror on the rest of us.

To Sebastian Kurz, Austrian People’s Party (ÖVP), Lichtenfelsgasse 7; A-1010 Vienna

Dear Seb,

Congratulations on becoming the first millennial to rise to the highest chair in a Western Nation. Your victory against the stuffy fartknockery of the generation before is certainly notable, and worthy of note.

 

 

It remains a searing, grand achievement that has unfortunately doomed the rest of us. You see, just prior to your democratic hubris, our generation made great progress. We reduced the flood of lazy hack clickbait pieces that blamed us for everything to a trickle. The change was palpable, as October 11 officially chimed to mark the end of the troubles.

 

 

But now, Seb, because you decided to live your best life, you’ve condemned the rest of us to once again bleed for a million shallow digital cuts.

Congratulations on your win.

Regards,

The Millennials.

 

Hillary bags ex in grating post break-up rant, Four Corners presumably float cheeky email to Assange.

While breaking up is easy, the months after it are often harder. Especially when the conversation drifts to that person. It still hurts, that hurt they caused you, so it’s completely fine to rip into that person until you feel better. It solves nothing, sure, but you can’t help how you feel.

Last night, Four Corners were foolish enough to place themselves in the middle of the HRC/Julian Assange breakup. Suffice to say, it got Elephant Man ugly, as everyone is in the cafe tried to avoid eye contact but drag their ears closer to the booming epicentre of complaint.

 

Yeah, well, Hil. You’ve got to…yeah. Um. Say those things, I suppose, because. Um. Yeah. Yep. So, how’s Bill? Good? Is Bill good?

 

Hil?

 

 

Actor has misgivings regarding his one scene working with Woody Allen, rebirths ancient question.

It’s a long-running, unanswered question that most of us ignore, but occasionally pause on. Should we dismiss the work of people we know (or suspect) to be fucking terrible people in real life? This social quandary has once again been raised by the final act of Harvey, but while the faces change, the question does not.

Leading the unison shrug is actor Griffin Newman (yeah, us neither), who took to Twitter to overshare, and later redact, but not redact his feelings. The entire thread is here, but if tl;dr is your thing, here’s the main point below. And if tl;dr is your thing, well, you’re making me and every other AI news algorithm cry ourselves to sleep.

 

Anyway, back to the question at hand. While Griffin was sold on the back of a solitary New York Times piece, we can rightfully say that that’s just like your opinion, man and dismiss it. But, then, I feel we lose an opportunity to hear ourselves talk. So, let us unequivocally make a stand this morning over breakfast.

Will the nefarious acts of their fathers stop us from rewatching Shakespeare in Love, or Midnight in Paris or Chinatown?

No? Yeah, me neither. I wish I was stronger. But I’m not. I’m a weak, callow, lazy dolt. There, I said it.

Can you?

 

The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight

 

 

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