Fake News

Rudd’s book: Not for the faint-hearted, broken-hearted or anyone in danger of cardiac arrest

On the back of Kevin Rudd’s new book, we knocked on the door of Julia Gillard to see if she’d review it for us. 


Frank Rarely, our renowned Fake News correspondent in Canberra, gained this exclusive interview with Julia Gillard to gain her observations on Kevin’s latest book Not For The Faint-Hearted.

“Tell me Julia, what was your immediate reaction to Kevin’s new book?” asked Frank.

“I was disappointed it didn’t fit into my toilet roll holder” responded Julia.

“He is especially critical of you for reneging on a promise to give him two terms.”

“I felt that one was clearly enough…because I couldn’t think of a second one half as appropriate as nasty narcissistic nebulous little nerd.”

“How would you compare Kevin with Tony?”

“Well Tony was a misogynist while Kevin hated anybody who didn’t believe he was a genius and that was virtually everybody.”

“But surely you used to like Tony when you appeared regularly on breakfast television together.”

“Tony was like left-over scrambled eggs…he deteriorated rapidly after breakfast.”

“So what happened to Kevin 07?”

“It all fell apart when he refused to change his image…and become Kate 08”

“What is your assessment of Mark Latham’s impact on the Labor Party?” asked Frank.

“He did the Party a grave disservice, because his rise to the top gave the impression that any fool could lead the Labor Party and unfortunately that only encouraged Kevin.”

“How do you rate Bill Shorten?” asked Frank.

“He comes with the considerable advantage that he’s not Mark or Kevin. But I can’t help feeling Labor would be better off with another woman leading the Party especially if she had the support of a couple of old women like Tony Windsor and Rob Oakeshott”

“What do you consider was Kevin’s main achievement as Prime Minister?” asked Frank.

“I think it was quite remarkable that he managed to last so long before I had to whack him” opined Julia “but it was truly mind-blowing that he got the job a second time after he made such a pig’s ear of it the first.”

“Would it be fair to say then” persisted Frank “that you don’t have any regrets about truncating the application of Kevin’s prime ministerial genius to national affairs?”

“On the contrary” snapped Julia “I’m absolutely convinced that Trump has based his Presidential style on the disruptive prime ministerial model pioneered by Kevin.”

“Do you regret the brutal way in which you removed him from office?” ventured Frank.

“I had no alternative” explained Julia ‘because he wasn’t a dual citizen.”

“Will you be recommending Kevin’s book as a Christmas present?” asked Frank.

“Certainly…because as an atheist I understand it’s customary to spread fake news at Christmas.”




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