Fake News

January, the winter of our political discontent

Our Fake News correspondent in Canberra, Frank Rarely, dwells on why January is such an agreeable month for politics and whether it might be possible to enjoy the same experience all year round.

 

 

January is far and away the best time of year for politics in Australia.

Most politicians are overseas on junket study tours in non-shithole locations and the joint just seems to function better. Tiresome politicking is reduced to a minimum and directed towards less taxing issues like should January 26th become Invasion Day or a day to celebrate the fact that the Poms got here first before the French or the Dutch?

This Australian experience has become the catalyst for a worldwide view that perhaps countries would run better if their political leaders were located somewhere overseas away from the all-consuming demands of their local 24-hour news cycle.

Carles Puigdemont is attempting to pioneer this compelling concept by governing Catalonia from Brussels.

Edward Snowden is being touted as a possible future US President based in Moscow especially in view of the decisive influence Russia is likely to have on future US Presidential elections.

Theresa May is attempting to run the UK from Cuckooland but not, it must be said, with conspicuous success.

The outstanding candidate to run the US Treasury, Bernie Madoff, is handily located in the remote environment of the Big House. His ascent to this position would offer the distinct advantage that in his case, the 24-hour news cycle would have to be curtailed to conform to visiting hours.


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The obvious benefits of Julian Assange’s domicile in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London make him a shoo-in candidate to be a future Prime Minister of Australia. He could probably claim diplomatic immunity from the Canberra Press Gallery and his turgid commentary on the progress of Australian politics would mercifully fade away somewhere in the distance between Wikileaks and the Ecuadorian media.

Clive’s nephew is in the ideal position to make an invaluable contribution to Australian foreign policy. Nobody’s got a clue where Clive Mensink is so he could pursue the roles of Foreign Minister or roving ambassador free from the prying eyes of the press and entirely unaffected by the tribulations of Trump, Kim Jong-un or the fact that Kristina Keneally is leaving Sky to join the cast of The Block in the Senate.

Just think how much more sense Trump’s presidency would make if he were on another planet.

The increasing propensity of politicians to end up in the slammer is providing yet further potential for remote government. The move by Guantanamo Bay inmates to bring an action against Trump for racism is surely just the first shot in a campaign to establish the new White House down there.

At the next NSW State Election, voters could have the opportunity to vote for an experienced Labor Cabinet already located in a safe haven where their seclusion is guaranteed by the NSW Corrective Services.

The move to governments with varying degrees of separation is seen as a more democratic alternative to the current US concept of closing down government altogether and would be an interim measure prior to the longer-term introduction of robot politicians who would be programmed to do exactly what the electorate wants.

Then we would finally realise our dream of getting the politicians we deserve.

 

Fake News

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