A plum job, an empire razed to the ground and some blue steel (workers) made up this week in #AusPol. Who won? No-one, dingus.
Every Friday, your trusty commentators at The Big Smoke review the most lauded plays in the game of Australian politics from the week previous. Passionate? Unquestionably. Conniving? Undoubtedly. But it’s not about that. Headlines need to be made and an audience needs to be entertained.
So, who won?
Nepotism, for remaining relevant.
It’s been a rather big couple of months for nepotism. Riding on the sweaty back of Barnaby Joyce, suddenly that very vintage, very macro trend was on top again. Sadly, now that Barnaby has switched positions, there was a danger that it would be returned to the drawer.
Fortunately, this week, commissioner of the Australian Border Force resolutely threw nepotism on his rippling shoulders as Roman Quaedvlieg was found guilty of getting his girlfriend a job.
It took 10-months and two investigations while he was on leave at full pay, but Roman Quaedvlieg is out. https://t.co/lyAmXHKnXa
— Alice Workman (@workmanalice) March 15, 2018
Welcome back, Nepotism. You’re our favourite. Here, go buy yourself some money.
The Filing Cabinet leak, for remaining stationary.
Unlike the above example, this is how not to keep yourself in the public eye. Back in the morning of 2018, Australia was equal parts, piqued, shocked and embarrassed to discover that a series of politically sensitive documents were inadvertently sold by a second-hand furniture dealer.
Anyway, we were all moderately conscious for that. The ABC copped flak, many argued about it, some people waved their belief in a false flag operation, we all moved on.
However, this week, it happened again. And despite the same thing happening, our reaction is quite different.
Exclusive: More government documents have been found in a filing cabinet sold in Fyshwick, containing the personal details and security clearances of hundreds of DSS employeeshttps://t.co/OTdxKWc9b3
— Andrew Brown (@AndrewBrownAU) March 10, 2018
Why? Because it’s been done. It’s no longer fresh.
Do a backflip.
Also on The Big Smoke
- #AusPol winners and losers: One Nation under the thumb
- #AusPol winners and losers: Tony, don’t bring your gun to town
- #AusPol winners and losers: Whose hubris is in surplus?
- #AusPol winners and losers: Who cared not for Abbott’s tone?
Margaret Osborne, for having her water view sullied.
It’s been a particularly rough week to be a Margaret Osborne. Not only has she been personally wounded in the heart parts by Bill Shorten’s taxing class war, but she also made the paper, replete with her disappointment immortalised in her favourite summer blouse.
The many concerned faces of Margaret Osborne, a well off “self funded” retiree with a SMSF who will experience (exactly zero) hardship & who claims (somehow) to receive 30% of income from a government (handout) cheque. Hrmm.. pic.twitter.com/AOOJW3LVEj
— Nathan Lee (@NathanLee) March 15, 2018
To be fair, it’s a tableau equal to Whistler’s Mother, if she happened to drive an Audi.
Julia Gillard, for still copping dat hate.
Come on dudes, enough. The negative rhetoric toward J-Gilly has been storied, and up to this week, you’d naturally assume that the genre was ancient history, you know, because she’s no longer PM, and that.
But alas, ‘fraid not.
— Queen Victoria (@Vic_Rollison) March 10, 2018
Also on The Big Smoke
- While you were asleep: Healthy Harold meets poachers, McCain’s hasty patchjob and anti-May tune hits charts
- The Masked Liberal: One Nation’s stakes on a plane
- The great white “nope”: Shorten and Joyce’s lack of Uluru response
The Golden Emerson – awarded to those who waste everyone’s time with complete verbal tosh – goes to:
Who else, but Donny T.
“Your father is looking down on you, he’s very proud,” Trump tells steel worker at his press conference.
“He’s still alive,” the guy responds.
— Paul McLeod (@pdmcleod) March 8, 2018
Lol. Unless Twitter and the aforesaid Steelworker took Don’s meaning wrong. In that Don knew that the worker’s Dad was alive, but also knew that however hard the worker might work, it’d never measure up against the hard work that his Dad has already completed, years before.
In that instance, he’s literally looking down on the Steelworker, with disgust, but also proud that his son didn’t eclipse him, and marginalise his place at the dinner table.
The Secret Verbs and Spicers for the sauciest, most regret-inducing piece of fried hyperbole each week goes to: This, all the way this.
It happens at the cash register dumbass pic.twitter.com/15nMNJsgVt
— Bryan (@MurderBryan) March 14, 2018
What kind of murderer uses the more pleasant swearword alternatives?