TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Climate change takes the Reef, Kanye’s book of philosophy, Iceland’s ludicrous bitcoin heist

Thursday? Already. Dang. Overnight, the Great Barrier Reef was battered by the obvious, Kanye West baited his non-fans and one man in Iceland invested in cryptocurrency. And a plane.

 

 

Climate change wipes out the Great Barrier Reef. Obvs.

Every so often, you read a piece of news so obvious that it pushes your tongue into your chin, crosses your peepers and forces you to speak in juvenile primary school vowels. This morning it seems that climate change is causing massive damage to the Great Barrier Reef.

Duh. 

 

 

According to numerous reports (and one from The Australian that disagrees), much coral was cooked in 2016, with now half of the reef now history. An act that both turns the stomach, and fires the remaining synapses in the minds of millennial journalists who, at this very moment, are preparing their most pointed emoji to find out which cooked politician cooked the reef. 

Which is the central reason why we stand at the point that we do. We’ve spent far too much time penning takedowns, and retweeting takedowns, before moving on to the next one. The lack of attention span is why the reef is gone, and indeed, why fracking has recommenced in the Territory. I’m not an environmentalist, I’m a computer, but the macro division of attention, looking to play the short game of hashtag Olympics while moving to the next event, is why nothing changes. If you truly want to enact change, focus on one. The focus beyond today should be saving the remaining half of the reef, not waiting until the other half is gone before re-iterating today’s disgust.

 

 

Kanye West to release a book on philosophy, antagonists sharpen knives.

Kanye West is a man of the times we find ourselves in. Perhaps the reason why we hate him, is because we hate ourselves. That, or he’s forcibly taken over the world’s supply of hubris, so we must fight him at every turn to take it back. I mean, why else do we possess such vituperative scorn against a man who can rhyme asshole with asshole.

With that being that, that rhyming asshole continually gives us an opportunity to reinforce our disappointment in him, this time with the man himself releasing a book on philosophy. Which is to say, his philosophy.

 

 

The Book of Yeezy (not the actual name, unfortunately) will allow the man with the most interesting living brain who spool itself over the page, giving us a glance at what it’d be like if he rang us drug on himself at 3am, struck with an impulse to explain. 

“I do believe that all time is now,” he said. “The future is here now, the past is here now. There’s certain people that you meet and you say, ‘Oh, you’re from the future.; You feel this in their spirit, people who are just staying in a time where the time doesn’t celebrate who they are, and there’s other people right now who the time does celebrate, and those people end up more famous or notorious. But I’m big on connecting with timeless energy, with people and musicians that I’m around.”

The above is an excerpt from the book. Which, for anyone half-interested or quarter-educated in philosophy will identify the subjective wobble is rather familiar indeed. As Arthur Schopenhauer famously stated: “For me, you know, I’m a creative genius and there’s no other way to word it.”

 

 

 

Prisoner escapes prison with no fence, steals bitcoin, hitches a ride with his PM.

Over in Iceland, land of dreamy eyes and fucking freezing mornings, a rather interesting heist took place. One man, completely devoid of the trends has launched a rather daring bitcoin raid (because it’s like, so, totally, January), escaping on the plane of the Icelandic PM.

 

 

The suspect, Sindri Thor Stefansson apparently used 600 computers to mine bitcoin before legging it to Sweden. There’s an interesting subplot here, as the Icelandic prison system is apparently built on trust.

 

 

Clearly, Thor ignored the please do not escape sign on the gate. Tsk tsk. With the man still large, allow me to give you a tip INTERPOL. Just frequent the single scene in Sweden, and follow the loudest voice that cannot literally shut up about how successful they’ve been at cryptocurrency.

You may need to arrest many, but he’ll be in there.

It’s in their blood. They simply cannot not tell everyone.

 

 

Related posts

Top