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While you were asleep: Australian Navy clashes with China, Oppressive regime relaxes code, Uber driver does well

Friday. Good lord. Overnight, our Navy clashed with the Chinese (sort of), one harsh regime relaxed slightly and one Uber driver put the rest to shame.

 

 

Australian Navy clashed with Chinese Military in the South China Sea, totally did stuff.

I’m just going to say it. Geopolitical quabbles in International Waters is dry-humping. It may possess the same movement as the act proper, with none of the problems that may arise from it, and in turn, the person who actually gets fucked, is no-one. Wind the clock within back slightly, remember when Vlad parked his navy on our doorstep after Tony Abbott threatened to football him? Yeah. So, headlines nervously semaphored the fears of war, and indeed, a great Russian tide of might to smash pitiful sunburnt capitalist dogs.

 

 

 

Strangely, the boats buggered off as soon as the ink dried on the headlines. However, sabres were certainly made for rattlin’ as this morning it seems that the Australian Navy was bullied by the Chinese military when attempting to pass through the South China Sea. Now, I wasn’t there, but I can imagine we were hit on the head with our own fist by a much larger force as we sailed by, as they asked us bullying rhetorical questions in Mandarin. 停止击中你自己! 停止击中你自己!

According to the ABC, one defence official insists the exchanges with the Chinese were polite, but “robust”.

Now, as for what the defines a naval challenge, I’m unsure. Using the power of guesstimation, I believe it was something rash, enabled barely contained uniform machismo. Like dragging a frigate with your teeth. Or oiling a coxswain.

Just bang already, you cowards.

 

 

Oppressive regime frees subjects from antiquated dress code.

The management-enforced khaki uniform has a particularly reprehensible history. One that’s better left not said. However, one-long time enforcer of rigid rules, laws and subjugation of its populace has decided to goose-step over to the right side of history, as Walmart has decided to free their employees from the khaki yoke.

 

 

According to the updated employee manual obtained by Bloomberg News, employees in some of Walmart’s 4,700 stores are now allowed to wear shirts of any solid colour, and blue jeans or “jeggings” (no matter where they work in the store). According to Bloomberg, Walmart is enabling the new dress codes in the hopes that more relaxed standards will help attract and retain staff in a tightening labour market.

Right, two thoughts. Who stays in a job they hate purely on the basis that they can wear a slightly different shade of trouser? Moreover, what I fear we have here, is what’s known as a ‘soft-overthrow’. This new regime may look different, and may speak in casual denim auspices, but the same power structure remains. The force that immediately harangues you about the status of your day, immediately forcing you disclose the identification papers of your shopping purpose.

 

 

King of the Ubers goes viral, despite grammatical inaccuracies.

Uber is often a salad of the unfamiliar familiar. While you might meet different faces, different stories and names, often you’re stuck discussing the length of their tenure, or worse, the weather. The stories of any merit that spew out from the slammed doors of Uber are not particularly common.

However, one tale from the backseat overnight was a good’un, as Onur left a rather sweet note to his passengers, informing them of a) his disability and b) his keenness for driving bass.

 

 

To be honest, Onur seems to be a dream driver. One I’d give five stars to and actually mean it. Generous with the AUX, short on pointless conversation. I’m even willing to overlook the fact that he used an ampersand incorrectly.

Four stars.

 

 

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