Park An-go, our Fake News correspondent in Seoul, articulates the thrust of the two Korean leaders, as they both try to navigate the Trump hump.
Latest advice from my impeccable local sources reveals that the recent historic meeting between Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un focused single-mindedly on ways to address the unthinkable threat to global security caused by the proliferation of Trump.
This follows frightening revelations that the US are now in a position to load Trump onto an intercontinental ballistic Air Force One and propel him to anywhere in the world.
Repeated attempts have been made in the UN Security Council to block the proliferation of Trump internationally but these have been vetoed by the US.
The Korean leaders were particularly concerned that a rogue regime leader like Assad wouldn’t hesitate to use Trump against his own people if he could get his hands on him.
They are determined to stop the insidious international invasiveness of Trump through Twitter and Trump Towers even if it means building a Great Wall right round the US.
Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un discussed a number of other innovative measures to free the world from this mind-numbing menace.
They gave very serious consideration to collusion with Russia as a means to prevent Trump winning the next US Presidential Election.
They concurred that it could be very beneficial to pay Stormy Daniels a million dollars to reveal everything and tell the whole story about the affair with Trump as well.
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There was also full agreement on actually encouraging the US to undertake a full programme of Trump-testing providing it was under the direction of a psychiatrist.
An urgent message was sent to the UN recommending the immediate establishment of a Trump disarmament team to carry out constant checks at The White House to ensure he hasn’t shot off somewhere and there’s no radio-active leakage round Washington.
A leading international consultant was sounded out about advising Trump to give up politics and adopt a new Korea path.
There was of course grave concern about the potential threat to Kim Jong-un’s health and well-being at his upcoming meeting with Trump. It was agreed that the location must include a fallout shelter so that the North Korean leader can dive in if Trump looks set to explode.
And Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un both expressed grave concern at the news that Trump is threatening to land in the UK next July. They feel this could cause unprecedented alarm and confusion among the Royal Family given there’s such an uncanny resemblance between him and Meghan Markle’s half-brother.
Finally they sent a message to the Queen wishing her all the best for surviving Trump’s visit and supporting her earnest desire that Charles be appointed Head of The Commonwealth Bank.
Park An-go suffered acute hypothermia while reporting on the recent Winter Olympics so he was reassigned to cover the thaw in North-South relations.