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While you were asleep: Yanny/Laurel war enters day two, Pope sells Lambo, The 90s ride again (again)

Couple arguing in kitchen

Morning! Overnight we saw the Yanny/Laurel war rage on, the Pope selling his hypercar and the re-re-re-re-rebirth of the 1990s.

 

 

Writer petitions UN to intervene in the Yanny/Laurel squabble.

I think it might have been Albert Einstein who said: “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”

Yesterday, we witnessed the third instalment of the Internet wars, as the twin warlords Yanny and Laurel commenced hostilities, forcing the populace to scream their name in allegiance. Or death. Again, I looked into the eyes of my loved ones, and I knew that they chose the enemy. Just like that time with the dress. I slept on the couch, hand gripping my decision, with one eye open. Praise Yanny.

 

 

However, as morning crested over my uncomfortableness, and light revealed the amount of damage it had done to my marriage, I wondered if there wasn’t another way. A place where we can both hear Yanny and Laurel, and everything would be good and nothing would hurt. As I met my wife in the kitchen, I knew it not to be. Another utopia squandered, and rightfully so, because it says fucking Yanny.

 

 

Pope sells Lambo to Spanish car rental place, gives great gift to angry business travellers.

The swaggiest Pope since Pope Sixtus II, Francis, has decided to donate his gaudy whip to charity. The Ernie to God’s Bert was famously awarded a Lamborghini Huracan, as the Holy Father has a Holy Mother of expensive tastes. That or the Italians are a proud people, and couldn’t bare to see il Papa be carted around in that bubble top thing any longer. Unsure. Either or, the Pope Lambo now resides in the car of a Spanish Car rental agency.

 

 

Honestly, it’s pretty nice. The papal racing stripe is an island upon itself. That being said, it’s wonderful that he sold it, and donated the proceeds to charity. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because a famous icon driving a ridiculously exotic car with a matching colour scheme is more Barbie than Barnabus.

 

 

World retrieves Keanu and Winona from the 1990s, my equally ancient cynicism.

I’m just going to say it. The 1990s are the herpes of this generation. Something that we got doing something we don’t really remember doing, and now it’s stuck on us forever. Overnight, we again bore witness to the extend of our condition, as Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder joined forces to star in a new movie.

 

 

Which is fine, however, the way that is was pitched on Twitter, is the issue.

This perfectly articulates our retro delusion. We’re quick to elevate anything from that time, conveniently forgetting that the actual thing was actual garbage. Dracula, don’t get me wrong, is mostly a classic. Everything except one thing. Do you really remember Keanu’s performance? Do you, dudes?

 

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