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While you were asleep: Donald’s cheesy summit trailer, Russia’s classic stadium move, Socceroos will beat France (apparently)

Good morning to you, gorgeouses. You. You people are the stars. Overnight, Donald booted up iMovie, Russia marched back to her glorious past, and Twitter outlined how we’ll beat the French.

 

 

 

Donald stars alongside Kim in home made action movie that dried the teeth of the world over.

It’s fair to say that Kim Jong-un doesn’t get out much. So, the proposed peace talks with the US also doubles as a weirdly visceral saturation of newness, as he gets to experience the lofty heights of Western culture.

 

 

Somewhere during the wriggling glad-handing of the summit with Donald, Kim learned two things. The existence of iMovie, and the range of Donald’s love for him. Bitterly, Kim discovered one within the other, as Donald presented his AV mash note for all the world to see.

 

 

 

Donald, come on. I know you’re new at this diplomacy thing, but if you wanted to publically build fences, you should have opted for a format that has been proven to work.

 

 

 

Russia takes ingenious Soviet approach to meeting the unfair demands of the West.

I’m not alone in thinking this, but ever since the Wall came down Russia has lost its way. It’s become very much like everywhere else. Yes, there’s the odd assassination of political opposites, but it’s nothing like before.

However, we have great news from the front, comrade, as one World Cup stadia has proudly referenced the days of the Union gone by, affording visitors a taste of the real vintage, with a vantage point worthy of the most huddled, distraught patriotic prole.

 

 

Marvel at it, comrade. The cold, the brutality, the completely unnecessary hassle.

 

 

 

Twitter believes the Socceroos will best France, outlines the how exactly.

One of the most important stages of grief is denial. It’s a perfectly natural response in articulating a loss we cannot possibly articulate. With our World Cup campaign kicking off against France verrry shortly with what is sure to be a colossal bollocking by the coq, some endeavouring fools on Twitter, high on gusto, but low on photoshop skill have outlined all the many ways the Socceroos are superior to the French.

 

 

You beautiful, doughy fools. I’ll see you at the acceptance stage.

 

 

 

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