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While you were asleep: Belgium scrapes through, Australia’s basketbrawl fiasco, the age of bag shaming

Morning, poppet. Overnight, Belgium betrayed the narrative of the World Cup, Australia literally fought the Philippines and one newspaper decided to birth a social movement.

 

 

Heralded favourite goes through to the next round, the world darts its eyes suspiciously.

Well, we were a handful of seconds away from this sentence being solely constructed by shocked cursing words. Going against the narrative of a loopy World Cup where the underdogs have run free, the runaway favourites, Belgium, managed to beat lowly Japan. However, the margins were extremely thin.

For those who witnessed it, know that Belgium were both extremely good, extremely unlucky and maybe just fluked it a bit. After Takashi Inui’s mind-melting strike, one blithely assumed that it was over, done and we started to draft our disappointment in the impossibly talented Belgians, normative service finally busted through the front door of the World Cup, drunk, late and unwelcome, passing out on the floor, muttering apologies.

Belgium 3, Japan 2.

 

 

 

Australia met the Philippines with their fists instead of playing a sport neither are good at.

Elsewhere in sport, there is a longstanding truism: There ain’t no fight like a basketball fight. Which is to say, there’s never been one much like this one. Usually, the basketball fight is a moronic thing to watch, as towering figures tend to oscillate around each other like a heavily medicated Olive Oyl, doing their best to not fight. Which is good, as fighting is bad, and whoever believes it to be a positive is either a bruz, or their parents didn’t hug them enough growing up.

However, that went all the way out the window this morning as our Boomers threw down with the Philippine national side over the removal of stickers on a piece of wood, the suggestion that you might miss the free throw you’re about to attempt and a borderline hard foul.

 

 

Normal, right?

I mean, I’m not sure who threw the first barb, but I do know who took the last selfie.

 

 

We have a winner…I guess?

 

 

Newspaper bags those who are onboard with the plastic ban, births Australia’s Next Greatest Civil War.

The era of bag shaming is upon us. Beyond the decision to fish all future plastic bags out of the sea, the societal pushback has made itself known, as another moronic societal divide is created. It’s those who have the means to purchase reusable bag versus those who feel like they shouldn’t have to.

 

 

Now, we may hide behind claims of the big two supermarkets ‘profiteering’ or how other nations spoil their seas, but let’s get immediately to the bones of the issue. As a divided society, we need division. It’s what keeps us going. Something to complain about, an antagonist to overcome. The Marriage Equality decision, Asylum seekers, #MeToo. We need the squabble, the rush, a sheep or two and a kangaroo and a comment box to argue in.

At this point, we’ll take what we can get.

Plastic bags. Yeah, sure. You bastards, et cetera.

 

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