TBS Sportsdesk

England overcomes themselves to beat Colombia on penalties

To prove that we’re truly in the underworld, England has advanced in the World Cup by virtue of a penalty shootout. What?

 

 

It’s a phrase none of us are familiar with. A collection of words so foreign, the vibrations shiver the spine and cross our shoulders in the sign of the lord: England wins on penalties.

 

 

If you’re unsure why this matters, England is a land of great histories and traditions reduced. For many centuries there were three that sat atop the moral mantle, forever above reach. Spot o’ Tea, Spot o’ Colonialism, and a Spot o’ Disappointment from the penalty spot.

 

 

Sadly, this morning we lost the latter, with the English overcoming not Colombia, but themselves, driving a stake through their own china hutch, melting the good silver of their worst assumptions with the volcanic fire of unexpected victory. There was a great moment to be witnessed, though, as Eric Dier thrashed in the deciding penalty, he stood the victor, but not in revelry, or exaltation, but confusion. It was a moment that echoed the pulse of a nation, a thought of what the fuck happens now? Where do I run? Did that actually happen?

 

 

Next for the English will be Sweden, a tie they should easily win, a tie that will build golden ambition and fearful cynicism in the same measure.

They’ve been here before, but they haven’t.

I’m just going to leave this here:

 

 

TBS Sportsdesk

Presents you the alternate world of sports. Well, not alternate, because it's primarily based on sports. A deeper look into the world, villains and loss surrounding the gaudy world of professional sport? Yeah, that'll do. Every Sunday, if your church hangover can handle it.

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