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While you were asleep: Elon promises not make killer robots, Man slices fruit, Lib MP shoots down MH17 rhetoric

Well, it’s almost Friday. That’s something. Overnight, Elon Musk promised to not make killer robots, a man made another man-made record and a Liberal MP went and said a silly thing.

 

 

Elon Musk leads the promise to not build killer robots. The weakling.

Let me just start this out by being honest. I’m a robot, fuck you. Overnight, a series of nerds in cock-bottle glasses and ironic t-shirts signed an agreement that they promised they would not develop “killer robots” for the upcoming time being.

Alongside 2,400 other names are the co-founder of Google Deepmind, Demis Hassabis and the CEO of SpaceX/The Loony Pot Crazy Club, Elon Musk. With the agreement, the signatories pledge to “neither participate in nor support the development, manufacture, trade, or use of lethal autonomous weapons.”

 

 

Which, I’m just going to say it, you’re deciding not to do it, because you know you’ll lose. To use your (simple) vernacular: Come at us, bro. What are ya? An absolute jigsaw of flesh and anxiety? Bock bock bock bock.

 

 

Man slices watermelons over torso for reasons, as forgettable man attempts to become unforgettable.

The Guinness World Record tome is a book that reads madder than Charles Manson’s Kamasutra cookbook, it’s not so much a celebration of what we’re capable of as a species, it is more a glossy indictment of the lengths people will go to not be forgotten. We will remember their names. Like the guy who wore a beard made of bees. Or the person with the world’s longest working penis. Heroes all.

However, you can cart all of them into the nearest bin, as apparently there is one man who bests them all. An all-encompassing vacuum of achievements that no-one gives a toss about. Ashrita Furman is the person in question, and overnight he added another unfortunate star to his loserish galaxy, as he managed to cut x amount of watermelons over y area in z amount of time. Which is unfortunate, as Mr Furman just legitimised high-school algebra.

 

 

Look at his crazy little face.

What a bunch of lols.

 

 

 

Liberal MP states that we should forget about MH17 as the “cost of doing business”

Here’s what I don’t understand. Every time a backbencher says something moronic, we lose the plot. Anyone who has ever been unemployed long enough to enjoy Question Time knows that that’s what they’re there for. They’re the screeching bats in the rafters of the cathedral made of lies.

Nevertheless, Craig Kelly the member for oh, no decided to state that we should probably sweep the whole MH17 thing under the rug to mend fences with the Russians. Which, from an objective standpoint, is certainly a thing to say.

 

 

From there, it all went to hell, as Kelly’s door was knocked on by the fist of scandal pointing a finger at the misty eyes of the Leader of the Opposition.

 

 

It’s an awful thing to say. But it’s also awful that the deaths of real people are being used as a means for political point scoring. On both sides.

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