This morning, Nicolas Maduro lived through an assassination attempt, South Australia’s welfare problem went nautical and two Americans found love with two genetic copies of themselves.
Maduro survives assassination attempt, blames agents in the US.
This morning, Venezuelan Presidente Nicolas Maduro was almost erased from history by the buzz of a drone. Per CNN: One of the drones flew over the presidential stage with the intention of being detonated by the attackers, but he said the authorities were able to cause it to lose control and detonate outside the area the attackers targeted. The second drone lost control and fell into an apartment building, where it exploded on the first floor.
Now, it’s not immediately clear who was actually responsible, but the facts are thus: A wave of Colombian far-right individuals have been taken in, with Maduro himself blaming the outgoing Colombian President, Juan Manuel Santos, and clandestine backers in the United States, stating:
SA welfare group likens welfare increase to the cost of a submarine, Elon’s ears start burning.
Elon Musk’s massive backup battery in South Australia took just 140 milliseconds to respond to crisis at power plant. ANOTHER RECORD. @ClimateCouncil #SALabor. Good to see UK Business reporting it. #auspolhttps://t.co/vDTGVuhaD2
— Frida In Disguise (@DuchessFrida) January 2, 2018
Twins marry twins in Twinsburg and now I have to go and lie down.
In the immortal words of Austin Powers: “Twins, Basil. Twins!”
For whatever reason, presumably, because this is the darkest possible timeline and we’re all evil and deserve to be flayed by the whip of nonsense, one set of twins married another set of twins at a twin festival in a place called Twinsburg.
— Cleveland 19 News (@cleveland19news) August 3, 2018
Now, I’m not sure if the festival went over two days (which you’d certainly hope so), but I have questions. Individuality is a sacred thing, it’s why we all have Facebook, and it’s why we marry people like our fathers. For the (singular) life of me, I cannot figure why twins all dress the same a–, actually that doesn’t matter. Do they swing, or not? Also, is monogamy a trickier proposition when it’s hard to tell which one you’re married to in the dark/through the prism of daytime drinking?
According to Twitter, they even live in the same house. Surely this problem has/will present itself. Answers, please.
You’re either going to adore this story, or you’re going to hurl. Identical twin sisters married identical twin brothers in Ohio. One more thing, they’re all going to live in the same house together. pic.twitter.com/XDAfOmf142
— Mike Sington (@MikeSington) August 5, 2018