The internet is reeling from the image of Theresa May dancing in South Africa. However, it’s what the British do best. They breed their politicians to be awkward.
You know what? God save the awkward body of British politics.
Yes, they’re inept, and yes, they’re bloody terrible, but they do give us some gold.
Overnight, Theresa May was caught cutting absolutely sick in South Africa, wobbling her limbs in a furious sequence not seen since you last braved the poorly lit 3am dancefloors of your hometown. Loosely described on the internet as the ‘Maybot’, Theresa thrashed out this time warp, reminding the residents of all the other awkward missteps a European Empire has enabled on their continent.
But, let’s not talk about that, we’re all here to have a good time. Look, here’s Theresa succumbing to a terrible impersonation of her. All’s well.
The concept of the unawkward British politician is only truly sort-of reached in the movies of Richard Curtis. I mean who bought Hugh Grant’s turn as PM, where he fires a subordinate because he’s got a rager for her, ruins her career, later uses his political powers to track a private citizen down and make out with her at a public school?
I mean, that’s fiction, it never gets that saucy in real life, it’s what they have the royals for. We’re subject to a far more awkward fare, like Jeremy Corbyn’s failed dap-turned chesticle slap?
I mean, it’s not sexual harassment, it’s British politics. Everyone gets severely interfered with. Hell’s teeth, just look at that freeze frame.
I’m of the mind that resolute British awkwardness coated with a thick layer of public shame is a legitimate force in UK politics. You might be measured by your policies, or your verbiage, but you can be damned sure old bean that you’ll be rated on your ability to make the electorate find their shoes in collective oh god make it stop angst.
Which is probably why Boris Johnson had such a meaningful run.
Look at this bastard, descending from the rafters like a peroxided Bond with a weakness for biscuits, nationalism gripped akimbo, halting halfway through as British progress is literally stopped midair, unable to move forward, or climb down from the unfortunate position they’ve put themselves in.
God save our gracious metaphor.
I mean, how else could it have gone? I’m of the mind that Boris getting stuck was meant to happen. Much like Theresa’s dance step was pre-planned and practiced with the Queen giving notes. It’s all about the branding. They’re putting out an extremely British product. It’s like Coca-Cola, or the AK-47, when you see it, you immediately know what it is. Oh, that’s British awkwardness. I buy that.
It’s obviously deliberate. Why else would you go to a foreign land and trample a 9-year-old kid in a game of touch rugby?
The empire might have fallen apart, but the mentality remains.