TBS Learns To Love

Guy who skipped out on Tinder date faces prison

prison

In the realm of online dating, there are those who operate only to serve themselves. This is especially true of the guy who faces prison for leaving his dates to foot the bill.

 

 

You know what? The online dating world is so grim, so disparate, that whilst those who look to subvert for their own ends are villains, they are still in some ways, strangely commendable. I’m not talking about the serious stuff – those who gaslight, misrepresent themselves, catfish or trap their dates can fuck all the way off – but for the lesser crimes, like using the service to not cook that night, or to prove to one’s toxic ex that one can be toxic too, are not so bad as much as they are artful deceptions.

Front and centre to this is the Californian culinary fuckboi hyperbolically labelled “the dine and dash dater”, who has been dragged in front of the court to receive many counts of extortion. This preening douchecanoe is accused of 11 counts of extortion and two counts of attempted extortion for allegedly luring women to nice restaurants, ordering food and vanishing. According to CNN, this plank has yet more crimes in the same vein, as his aka is “the dye and dash bandit”, which he earned for having his hair coloured, then skipping out on the bill, replete with one of those tiny towels still around his cowardly, fleeing neck.

Yes, that’s deplorable (especially as the crim in question has a tendency of ordering the priciest item on the menu), but it presents a series of nonsense questions. Namely, how did he pull it off? Did he scout the restaurants beforehand, not just for the fare, but also for a large enough bathroom window for him to climb out of? Or, when the crime was done, did he rebelliously roll out through the kitchen in Hollywood slow-motion, toothpick in mouth, phone in hand, thumb planting the “unmatch” button in an explosion of plastic fuckery?

Those are questions. However, with this bandit now in the hands of the law (and bail set at a staggering $315,000), you have to wonder how good of a time he’s going to have in prison. As we know from the movies, it’s all about show and respect. What you did to get in the can sets who you are going to be inside it. Imagine that scene, in the cafeteria line, when the mountainous blob of antagonism approaches, sharpened toothbrush in hand, quizzing with unblinking eyes, “what you in for?”

If your answer is “I skipped out on the bill a couple of times, and I didn’t pay for my highlights that one time,” I mean, you might as well shank yourself.

If found guilty, he faces a maximum of 16 years prison.

Damn, America.

 

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