We’re heading beyond humpday to the end of the week at last. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Kim Jong-nam’s death took on a life of its own, we met our first transgender doll, and Gordon Ramsay yelled a lot, through the magic of Twitter.
Morning, you brain-dead geniuses. What happened while you were asleep? Well, a former Bernie staffer launched the US progressive party, the Icelandic PM moved to ban the Hawaiian pizza (sort of), and an Australian faces a Balinese jail.
Morn-o. What happened while you were asleep? Well, we saw a new side to Clive Palmer, the same old side of warfare, and a welcome, furrowed brow on QandA. Hooray.
Well, not bad for a Monday. We had Trump inventing a terror attack and the Internet biting back, Darwin celebrated the 75th anniversary of it being bombed and Rodrigo Duterte went off the deep end. Again.
The week that was: Kim Jong-nam assassinated, Gold Pass championed, Trump rejected… Plus some great tennis “love” puns (well, hopefully).
Good Judgement Day to you all. Today, I yearn for the rapture. What happened while you were asleep? Well, the Alt-Right found it’s new Pepe, we have a suspect in the murder of Kim Jong Nam, and the Nokia 3310 is back, for fudge’s sake.
Lord. What an evening it was. What happened? Well, Gambia decided to go retro and join the Commonwealth, Playboy went nude (again), and Cee Lo Green explained his odd Grammy’s outfit.
Well, good morning to you. What happened while you were asleep? Well the Trump-Trudeau handshake ushered in a new era of journalism, Meryl Streep practiced for her next role and Jacqui Lambie was eviscerated by a TBS alum. Huzzah!
Monday, why. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Kanye changed his hair colour, Jim Jefferies started a new social trend in #FlipOffASympathiser and the responses to Trump’s executive orders were tabulated.
It was a very shouty week. Arnold vs Trump, Turnbull vs Shorten, us vs the sun. But now that we’ve survived it (sort of), it’s time to go back to the very recent future…
Blergh. Daylight. Time for bed. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Jack Nicholson is back in Hollywood, Donald Trump got some reading advice and Centrelink will be held accountable by the senate.
The majesty of Humpday is upon us. What happened while you were asleep? Things got very silly indeed. A chip that resembled Harambe sold for $100k, Bernie Sanders was inspo for high fashion, and male birth control almost arrived.
Tuesday. The cruel, identical sister of Monday, oh joy. What happened while you were asleep? Well, conflict in Syria rolled on, the Queen reached an historic number in the job and Trump is now apparently Stalin.
Monday, bloody Monday. What happened while you were asleep? The Federal Court halted Trump’s Muslim ban, Pauline shared what she’d do as PM and New York City cleaned up her act.
Facebook users are seeing their posts censored without an official reason, with a meme that satirises Trump’s Muslim ban at the forefront of it.
Oh, the week it was. We found out that Trumble is sleeping on the couch, AusPol kicked back into its petty stride and Fox Sports fought a bloke who televised a fight.
Ah, Thursday. What happened while you were asleep? Well Malcolm’s selfie donation went down poorly, Trump named another conservative to a post and Iran revealed something they promised the US they wouldn’t.
According to Press Secretary Sean Spicer, the Australia/US refugee ban has not been cleared with the boss. Bad Igor!
Morn-o. What happened while you were asleep? The usual brutality, so we’re ignoring it. We’re having a no-Trump morning. Hooray!
In the last week, we haven’t seen him take the wrong steps, rather we’ve seen him take none at all… Has Malcolm Turnbull failed in leadership of our country?
The genius of Donald Trump is something to celebrate. In a solitary week he’s unified a disparate nation, and shot ancient literature back into prominence. Beat that, Obama.