It’s a wee bit late (next week, Saturday, promise!), but here’s Jack Howes’ new regular sports column, “Hot Taeks” – it’s a joke the sporty will get…apparently…
Hey kids, this is a new column we’re going to be running each week on TBS. It’s going to be a general sport catch-up, a bit of nonsense, a bit of fun. Check in each Saturday to find out what you’ve missed during the week.
Starting things off with a doozy, if you look closely, you can actually pinpoint the moment his heart rips in half…
“Him” being the hero/villain/superstar/troll/narrative of your choice, Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks, watching as his quarterback, Russell Wilson, threw the Super Bowl away. With less than a minute to play, only a couple of yards shy of the Patriots goal line, and the most intimidating running back in the league in their backfield, the Seahawks inexplicably called a slant. The pass-play had worked earlier in the match, resulting in a touchdown, but the defence adjusted – rookie Malcolm Butler jumping the play, intercepting the pass, and effectively ending the game.
The real star of the Super Bowl though, was the left shark from Katy Perry’s half-time show. Appearing to only vaguely know the choreography, the shark danced to the beat of his own drum. One suspects he might have got his hands on Snoop’s good good. In any case, he’s taken over The Chive, Buzzfeed, Mashable and legs everywhere.
Go home left shark, you’re drunk.
Getting back to some good old fashioned Australiana, we absolutely tonked the English in the final of the tri-nations ODI tournament which seemed to be watched by approximately no-one. Still, with the Cricket World Cup coming up, the tournament proved to be a decent hit-out and did a lot of confirming of deeply held suspicions. Namely, Johnno still has it all over the English and that Glenn Maxwell is actually a pretty bloody good cricketer…if he can resist playing reverse sweeps off the first fall he faces. The 112-run win was marred only by the injury to James Faulkner, a Tasmanian kid who happens to be Australia’s best batsman and bowler at “the death.”
Next, of course, the Australian Open! Serena Williams monstered Maria Sharapova for about the 90th time in a row, stared down umpires for no apparent reason, pretended not to have heard she’d won and then did some jumpy-jumps all over the court. Business as usual then. On the men’s side of the draw, the ever-dour Andy Murray faced off against the utterly dull Novak Djokovic. The first three sets were full of decent, if boring, defensive tennis, full of Djokovic pretending to be injured (like usual), and Murray swearing at everything (like usual). Djokovic’s miraculous discovery of a gluten intolerance some years back and his sudden skyrocketing levels of endurance make him all but impossible to beat on the Australian hardcourts. Murray capitulated in the fourth set, losing 6-0 – a post-mortem analysis confirming that his second serve was slower than that of both Sharapova and Williams, and that even his first serve was slower, on average, than that of Williams.
Time for Andy to find that gluten intolerance.
Back to the other side of the world, and the Northern Hemisphere Six Nations Rugby Tournament kicked off on Friday night with England defeating Wales 21-16. Normally this would be of negligible interest to your average punter, but with Wales and England in Australia’s pool group in this year’s World Cup, it might just be worth keeping an eye on. The biggest story coming out of the game had nothing to do with play however. Star Welsh wing, George North, was knocked out twice during the game but was allowed to play on. Former players took to Twitter to express their disbelief.
There’s going to come a day when rugby has to deal with the effects of concussions on players, and it’s not going to be pretty.
That’s all for this week! I’ll be back next Saturday with another round-up of all that was good, stupid, mental, and all around great fun in the sporting world
Sports, am I right?
If you’ve got anything in particular you want to read about just get at me and I’ll make it happen.