Sam Blacker

Dummies spat in coalition pre-school

Approx Reading Time-8It’s tanty central in the Coalition pre-school after an independent review cleared the Safe Schools program. 


Things have been a bit chaotic at the Coalition Pre-School ever since the change in management. With less staff on the premises (read: budget cuts), most of the children have been left under the supervision of a toddler called Malcolm, because he’s a bit older, and knows a few more words.

All was well until a child by the name of Corey started wailing that naptime was turning his toy batman figurine gay.

Naturally, the other children didn’t quite understand, but they started to agree with Corey after he explained the situation, by repeating the same sentence over and over.

By this time some other children named George and Eric were very upset indeed, so they all crawled over to see if Malcolm would ban nap time (and probably throw out the offending toys just in case).

Malcolm went to the adults, who immediately sat all the children down and explained that nap time did not turn toys gay, but even they were gay, that was okay, and they should definitely not throw the toys out.

Before they had finished, however, Corey repeatedly bashed his toy batman into a wall, inadvertently breaking off the batman’s arm, thus causing damage to the toy he had declared he was trying to protect.

George retreated to the foetal position and started mumbling about writing a list of names, and young Eric sat himself in the corner mashing two ken dolls together, whilst blubbing “See, Malcolm? It doesn’t work!!”

With the tantrums and screaming, the preschool has called the parents to come pick them up early, but it appears the parents have their phones on silent, or at the very least, ignoring the vibrations.

Sam Blacker

Sam Blacker is a radio jock at Wave FM Wollongong, but in his spare time will talk bollocks with a bit of swearing when he co-hosts the podcast Shut Up I’m Talking. Find him on Twitter @blackersam and check out the podcast at:

Related posts