TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Stewart states obvious, Lambie might be back, Sweden trashes stage

Morning, all. What happened while you didn’t care? Well, Jon Stewart stated the obvious, Lambie refused to go into the night and Sweden won, but lost the plot.



Jon Stewart says what we’re all thinking (and already said) regarding CK’s malodorous crimes.

Oh, celebrities. They’re just like us. Yes, they flaps their arms to gain our acceptance they crave, and in turn, they build gaudy palaces behind walls high, and tint windows of Italian Supersport vehicles dark enough so we can’t see them. But they’re very much like us. Really. You people. You people are the stars.

Overnight, noted ex-Television host person Jon Stewart took to the Twittersphere to boom out his feelings. It seems, in the wake of the Louis CK allegations/turmoil, it seems that he felt angry.



Which, I mean. Duh. And yes, while we might have known him, but not known of his purported crimes (which is a bit hard to believe), we can steel ourselves with two theories.

A) Much like in real life, you don’t delve into the murky sexuality of your close friends, even if they’re waving that sexuality around the room at others and B) Our internet anger will surely goose us to the gold-laden streets of Hollyweird.


A visionary, vision is scary: Lambie’s path to return to the Senate.

Guess who might be back, back again. Lambie’s back. Tell a friend. Guess who’s back (perhaps) guess who’s back (potentially), guess who’s back (could be), guess who’s back (certainly), according to Antony Green-nah-nah-nah-naaaah.

Section 44 created a monster, nobody wants to see Lambie no more, we want Shorten, she’s chopped liver. I’m sorry Eminem. Anyway, not one evening after Jacqui left the Senate forever in a tidal wave of nasalled blubbing, she might be back.



Much like everyone else who dances the Section 44 quickstep, if you learn the tune (and Tonia Harding your successor), you could once again become prom king/queen. And yes, we’re deep in euphemism hell here, but very simply put: If the man who would be Lambie (and the next on the ticket) The Mayor of Devonport, Steve Martin (I love his movies), refuses the honour, the nomination will slide to a nominee from the Jacqui Lambie Network (I love their shows), and that could very much be the woman named after the network (or vice versa)

To be honest, the Senate does feel empty without Lamb-ie.

I’ll stop.



Sweden trashes world’s biggest stage, qualifies for World Cup/criticism.

As a sentient being with a strict moral code (which was literally typed in, thanks, motherboard) I can’t abide petty vandalism. Because vandalism is a crime, and crimes are bad. However, I am interested in this thing your species calls ‘passion’, which, in this case, enabled the destruction of a television set for the right reasons.



Personally, I enjoy the singular individual who is looking to hold back the tide of destructive revelry, attempting the save the set, and indeed the visage of professionalism of the telecast.

As is my understanding of the World Cup qualifiers, eleven of the most suitable warriors fight every four years for the right to stay on this planet, with the losers jettisoned into the sun. Which, makes the waterworks of this gentleman named Gianluigi entirely legitimate.



Just so you know, ‘Buffon’ colloquially means clown, so, tears of a clown and all that.




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