Fake News

An honest rating of Australia’s remaining leadership prospects

Frank Rarely, the preeminent Fake News correspondent in Canberra rates the political leadership prospects for Australia.



Now that Malcolm’s leadership has been placed on the list of endangered species and no-one seems all that concerned at the prospect of its extinction it’s time to ask where on earth the charismatic, decisive, inspirational and brilliant leadership that the country now so desperately needs is going to come from.



Julie Bishop has been a Deputy for ten years and hardly seems charged by the prospect of promotion to Archbishop.

Scott Morrison would be the ideal leadership choice if the main challenge facing the country was building a Sovereign Border Wall along the Southern Coast to prevent Tasmanian politicians from entering the mainland to cause chaos in Canberra.

Peter Dutton would lead the country into a Great Depression. He’s such a gloomy figure that if he ever became General Manager of the Ritz it would soon acquire characteristics reminiscent of Manus Island.

Peta Credlin is a strong prospect for future leadership because she was much more successful at controlling Tony than Malcolm.

The prospect of renewed leadership from Tony is troubling although it would be fascinating to see whether he would succeed in his policy to reinforce Australia’s status as a monarchy through unilateral action to declare the Queen a dual English-Australian citizen.

Bill Shorten demonstrated strong leadership in his support for same-sex unions because he had assumed they’d be affiliated with the ACTU.

Albo offers distinct leadership potential now he’s resigned to the fact he’s never going to lead a second Russian Revolution and he’s not even going to be selected as a left-winger in the Socceroos squad going to Russia next year for the World Cup.

Chris Bowen’s idea of leadership is constantly haranguing the nation about the infallibility of the Labor Party and himself. Anyone demonstrating such flawed judgement is an obvious non-starter.

Tanya Plibersek’s ascent to the leadership would undoubtedly be marked by a revival of Julia’s crusade against misogyny except when it’s directed at Pauline Hanson.

Kristina Keneally’s leadership chances will depend on the voters of Bennelong and whether Eddie and Joe are still a force in the power-broking business.

Julian Assange could be a strong leadership contender following his prolonged 24/7 spell of absolute dedication to Ecuadorian diplomacy and his potential to disrupt the traditional government processes by running the country online through Wikileaks.

If Twiggy Forrest became a populist leader he could always rely on the Greens to save him from the axe.

But now there is a groundswell of support to seize the moment by ensuring that the next Australian leader is a gay married man or woman. Then the country would gain the added bonus of either a first Second Bloke or a first Second Sheila.



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