TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Tony Jones serves millennials, Facebook suffers value drop, Penn assassinates Trump

I hope everyone likes schism for breakfast! Overnight, we’ve had Tony Jones not being nice, Facebook suffering a loss and Sean Penn going the full Wilkes Booth. 



QandA Tony believes that tax reform conversation is beyond the average millennial.

Tony Jones, the dear old man of separating question from comment seems to be a worthwhile, impartial chap. However, the dude responsible for sitting in the centre chair of QandA and informing those who are watching the show what show they’re actually watching has turned villain this morning after he removed all the hummus out of every millennial’s cronut last night, claiming that they don’t care much for tax reform, because they’re totes stupid, stating: “…maybe Millennials aren’t interested because the detail is too complex.”



Tony, that’s not nice. Remember, the millennial generation gets to bury yours, and perhaps your funeral wishes might now be too complex for them to understand.

Just sayin’


Facebook suffers cheater’s justice, value on Wall Street smashed.

Over the weekend, Facebook rolled through our door, pretending that nothing happened, kissing us on the check, forcing a disarming question of “what’s up?” Well, Facebook. We know you’ve been cheating on 50 million of us.

And, I’m afraid that’s not cool. We users (that you use) tend to stick together, even if we just group to fight each other. As the prophet Timberlake said: What goes around, goes around, goes around
comes all the way back around. Again.

Overnight, the economic markets offered a trite nu-uh he didn’t to the shareholders of Facebook thinning $35b overnight. Which, if you’re playing at home, is a very large drop in a very large bucket. Facebook will obviously survive this hit, but the point is that we did something. It’s like when we smash all the possessions our philandering spouse treasures. We know they can replace whatever it is we break, but we’ve made our point.



Don’t do it again, Facebook, or we’ll totally go back to our ex: Myspace.

Goddamn it.



Sean Penn pulls the trigger on Donald Trump, writes John Wilkes Book(th)

So, Sean Penn is a bit of dill. This we know. While we know he can act (and act like a four-year-old who has claimed ownership of the slippery dip), we’re unsure if he can write. But, Lord, praise you and pass all the ammunition, as Sean has decided to pen(n) a novel articulating the assassination of a President.

Guess which one.



Yes, it’s silly and a bit tone deaf and blah blah. But so it goes with every point of interest, the real interest is the interesting reaction that certain people have to it. Understandably, those who follow the gospel of Trump have not taken the mortal libel very well, so they’ve decided to commit small acts of their own.







“The culprit diseased mind of a communist” is totally going to be my next positive Uber feedback.