TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Russian hackers hit Australia, Kendrick Lamar wins Pulitzer, Teen plays Fortnite through tornado

Morning! Overnight we discovered that Russian hackers hit Australia in 2017, Kendrick Lamar won the Pulitzer and the true scope of the awfulness that is Fortnite.

 

 

Russian hackers hit Australia in 2017, nothing of note stolen.

As Australians, we’ve all accepted a simple fact. Due to our location, we tend to miss out on the trends. However, this is not always the case, as it seems that 2016-2017’s pair of acid wash jeans, being hacked by mysterious Russians has finally met our shores. Woo?

According to an extremely vague report, it seems that last year many thousands of Australian businesses (from small business to massive enterprise) were molested by the digital flabby hands of Moscovite hackers, but according to the ABC, nothing of merit was stolen and the Australian Cyber Security Centre has already notified the businesses that were targeted.

So, no harm no foul, right?

Well, no. Taking an alarmist tone, what this situation clearly apes is the jilted ex-husband driving really slowly past our house, smoking just outside our property line, or ordering pizzas to it at insane hours at night. It’s nothing aggressive, just placid abuse. They’re just letting us know that they know that we know. Right?

Per the ABC: US and British officials told reporters in a conference call that they planned to issue a joint alert on the attacks, which targeted routers that form a key part of the internet infrastructure in a cyber espionage campaign that could be leveraged in the future to launch offensive attacks.

“When we see malicious cyber activity, whether it be from the Kremlin or other malicious nation-state actors, we are going to push back,” White House cybersecurity coordinator Rob Joyce said.

What we know, sadly, is not much, as Jeanette Manfra, a cybersecurity official for the US Department of Homeland Security put it: “We don’t have full insight into the scope of the compromise.”

Great.

 

Kendrick bags Pulitzer Prize, art world commits seppuku. Damn.

Call me a stuffy traditionalist, but I believe we’re fucking up. I believe that great cerebral institutions are falling victim to a condition other nerds are forever fighting, and subject to. We’re trying too hard to be cool. In 2016, the prize which carries the name of Alfred Nobel was awarded to Bob Dylan, a man most notable for possessing a voice an equal to a distressed motorcycle engine, which was fine, I guess, he was a relevant wordsmith in the afternoon of the Summer of Love. The man might be able to arguably thread a narrative, but he’s not exactly Nobel-material. Don’t @ me.

 

 

Sadly, this morning, those storied nerds have struck again, awarding Kendrick Lamar the motherfucking Pulitzer Prize for his DAMN album. Which, I’m not your average hater, I’m a big Kendrick fan, but DAMN is quite not that very good. I’ve got a bone to pick. One good song a Pulitzer does not make. I’d be much more comfortable if they hung the honour over his shoulders for the album that came before, To pimp a butterfly, which was a deep examination of the gap between black culture against the black man’s place in white America, where Kendrick cerebrally articulated the double standard. That the plantations may have been torn down, but the shackles remain. He achieved this, through the transfusion of Hip-Hop, Jazz and freeform poetry. He did this without repeating the same word over and over and over. Which is now, apparently all you need to do bag a Pulitzer. Damn.

Damn.Damn.Damn.Damn.Damn.Damn.Damn.Damn.

 

Kid plays Fortnite through tornado, is a totes cool dude.

Fortnite, as your young cousin will tell you, is heaps good. The rest of us, however, will tell you that it’s fucking shit, a hypercolour landscape of cartoon violence and Adderall-addled architecture and I hit that guy, oi, come and revive me bro, you’ve got the bandages, he’s dancing on my corpse.

It’s stupid, and it’s a waste of time, and whoever plays it is wasting their time. Sure, it’s a harmless pursuit, however, it is now apparently dangerous. Dangerous enough for me to break ranks with my people and side with their parents, and forever undo that bastard construct that everyone else is better than me at. Ban Fortnite.

The catalyst for its destruction was a tornado. One Greensboro teen deciding to pay attention to a fictional storm and ignore a real one, as it descended on his neighbourhood.

 

The reasons why? Well, there are no reasons. I hope he bagged a win after all that.

 

 

 

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