TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: US to purge lazy voters, The kid arrested for rap, Harry and Meghan to visit

Don’t fool yourself, today is a Monday. Overnight, the US Supreme Court decided to be geese, one kid was arrested on the suspicion of extreme violence and a royal couple is set to judge how we live.



US enshrines the “use it or lose it” aphorism into law, grants ability to kick voters off the roll.

There are but two things we possess in this problematic floating ex-prison/prison that we can hold over the Americans. The fact that we’re not allowed to have guns, and the fact that we’re forced to vote. The benefits of both are obvious, we don’t get murdered and we get a bonus sausage sandwich once every four years. Fair.

Over in the US, they don’t play like that, as overnight the US Supreme Court has narrowly held up a ruling that will allow the state of Ohio to purge voters from the electoral roll if they’ve missed the previous few. Very simply put, it’s stupid, and it’s a method of punishment now enshrined in law. In fact, it can be kept in hurtful, albeit snippy slogans: Use it or lose it. Don’t open your mail, don’t pick your President.



I mean, it might bristle we Australians, as I’m typing this sentence one-handed, the other clasping my ventricle in shock; but using the logic that sees the Americans skip elections and not give a clucking bell, it might be welcomed in a childish way, of well, good. I wasn’t going to vote anyway.

What a strange place.



Kid makes rap song, SWAT shuts down his school, kid arrested on suspicion of shooting up said school.

There’s a certain topic to be discussed in this issue. That of artistic freedom versus high nonsense. In two hundred words or less, a kid who fancied himself to be a rapper made illusions to hip hop’s staples (women, guns and threats of violence that you’ll never follow through on) via his latest Soundcloud track; a SWAT team shut down a school on the suspicion that this kid was literally going to shoot the place up.



Schmitt was arrested on a charge of “creating a false alarm”, and has been placed under house arrest since March, pending trial all over a song that Schmitt believed was misconstrued as a “parody”, and that he only uploaded the song to listen to it on his car stereo. He could face five years in the can.

To use the format of a currently well known meme, is this parody?

“u lil sluts @ jchs i love u all even tho yall hurt me and i forgive u. i would never hurt u.”

More to that point, has America lost all of the plot? Maybe. It seems that the only real crime Schmitt has committed was forcing people to listen to his mixtape. With that being said, if he’s serious about his rap career, prison has always legitimised the fledgling careers of the hopeful.

Check out LL Cool J. Or Easy-E.



Meghan and Harry set to visit, affords the nation a golden opportunity.

It seems that the marriage a nation waits out, Meghan and Harry are set to travel to familiar shores, announcing that they’re set to pop ’round sometime in October.



It’s an important event, as it presents the first opportunity many of us will have a chance to chisel Meghan from Harry’s hip, or vice versa. Prepare your bedroom eyes and pick up lines, Australia.

I, for one, will be dusting off a great family heirloom for the occasion, breathing life into the tired/vintage: “…Hey Princess! Want to come back to my castle?” line. Classic.