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Einstein publishes awful theory of partnerbility, grates millennials

Albert Einstein was many great things, but according to a recent discovery, a decent partner he was not. I vote we rewrite hystori.



It’s difficult to attach today’s morals to the people of the past. We while we might not be able to safely say that Albert Einstein was a racist, we can certainly say that he’s an extremely unreasonable partner; and he just might be Western civilisation’s greatest contemporary fuckboi.

According to numerous clickbait sources, Albert laid out the below rules to his wife Mileva Maric, who he was apparently cheating on. Al published this list as his conditions if they were to stay together for the sake of their two children.

The logic is obvious. He couldn’t have the space and time he wanted, so he looked to jazz up his ‘prison cell’.

E(instein) = M(assive) C(ock)

Clearly, that dude lived his own theory. His dickish behaviour proved that his morals were relative to his situation, and that his dick moves equally fast through his wife and his partner, no matter from where the observer is standing.

Nevertheless, here’s Albert’s Theory of Partnerbility in full:


I. You will make sure:

1. That my clothes and laundry are kept in good order.
2. That I will receive my three meals regularly in my room.
3. That my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.


II. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:

1. My sitting at home with you.
2. My going out or travelling with you.


III. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:

1. You will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way.
2. You will stop talking to me if I request it.
3. You will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.


IV. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behaviour.


Unsurprisingly, Mileva packed her bags and GTFO in 1919.

Despite my introductory point, I feel we Millennials have a responsibility. We are the victors, and we are the gatekeepers of the Internet. History is ours to revise. So, behold the new (and forever) face of fuckboidom:




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