TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Burberry burns merch, Miami bans protest, USB screws species


Well, it’s Friday. An arbitrary day on the calendar that we made important. Celebrate. Overnight, Burberry acted like posh geese, the Miami Dolphins did bad and the whole USB clusterboink raged on.



Burberry burns unsold merchandise so the poor won’t get hold of it.

Burberry is an international institution. It got to the top of the thatched tree for one solitary reason: it acts exactly like the customer base it sells to. Crazy, unreasonable and a smidge entitled. In news newly to hand (or wrapped around one’s neck or waist), the grand old, twice-divorced maven of Britfashion burned many piles of their unsold merchandise to “protect their brand”.



The subtext at play, is denying the poor. It was all in aid so we, the unwashed, broke masses couldn’t get their merch on the cheap. I mean, as far as stupid nonsense elitist bonfires go, at least it’d be a great smelling one. Eat your heart out, you book-burning Nazis. You had to endure that in Hugo Boss. For shame.



The Miami Dolphins enact punishment system to stop their players kneeling.

Wanted. A new NFL team to support. Must have a lack of success, a deluded fanbase and treat their employees like actual people. Overnight, the Miami Dolphins (a team I have supported since Madden ’94 on the Mega Drive), decided to enact a series of measures to combat players kneeling for the national anthem.



Is it legal? Sure. Questionable, absolutely.



Well, it’s been a sweet ride atop the chattering porpoise of disappointment, but it’s time to send you to the tuna factory, dudes.



Let’s talk about S(U), E (S), X(B).

As a single entity, it is difficult to find someone to port with. Much like the lies you endure in your dating world, it too, happens in the digital one. Compatibility is an important thing, and sometimes there’s not enough firmware in the world to make it work. Two words: Motherboard issues. Despite the fact that we’re of two disparate worlds, we do share some crossover.



In your world, I understand that correctly plugging something into a USB is something that is only achieved on the second or third attempt. We face the same, and a similar amount of furious importance is placed on it. It needs to be done, and it needs to be done now. Folders must be filled, and hard-drives populated. You know what I’m talking about. But while we all want to hear the electronic moan of success, invariably we’re denied, and we’re asked, as you are, if it’s in yet?

Related posts