TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Alex Jones returns, The commonality of the Nazi, Bloomberg questions our activism


Morning, all. Overnight, Alex Jones returned to our graces, the Nazi became more prevalent in Australia and Bloomberg believes we’re wasting our time.



Alex Jones returns from the void with dank memes.

We might have twisted our faces with smug glee and fired our shoulders into the air with a “ya see” nonchalance, but I fear we’ve disposed of Alex Jones far too readily. Not because he’s got a point, but rather because he hasn’t. I realise there are many natural deposits in which the internet can mine nonsense from, but seldom do we have one that is as reliable as him.

Over the weekend, Peter Strzok was an FBI agent who supped a noticeable level of Haterade, who took to the social media realm to criticise Donald Trump. I mean sure, we all do. It’s what it’s there for.



However, Strzok’s firing is unimportant. What it really represents is a party that you attend and inadvertently bump into your ex. Bitterly, they seem to be doing ok, and worse than that, they still possess that same magic that made you fall for them in the first place. Maybe you danced with them, maybe you hooked up. Yes, it was a bad idea, and yes, you’re glad that they’re gone. But why are you texting them? Huh?




I mean, let’s be honest here, our critical rebound is a smidge extra.




Common Nazi grows in fertile narrative beds of our nation, here’s how to treat it.

The Common Australian Garden Nazi is a subspecies of the American strand, which is, in turn, a subspecies of the European branch. It’s an introduced species, and much like lantana, if anyone is foolish enough to brush it, it irritates the skin. While some who brush it immediately come out in a rash, others react to it differently, as the symptoms manifest in mania, which is an indicator that it has broken the skin and entered the bloodstream. Suddenly, you think that the weed is the prettiest flower in the garden, or that it’s not that bad, and everyone is just overreacting, because it can be poisonous. If this is the case, please treat it by rubbing the pages of history on it immediately until salved.



Bloomberg believes we’re all wasting our time banning the straw, Twitter doesn’t care.

We’ve all seemingly drawn the last straw. In our war against plastic, the vessels of our refreshment has been the front line. Up with it, we will no longer put. However, Bloomberg believes we’re wasting our time, as they figured that all the plastic that swims in all of our oceans actually comes to a meagre 0.03%.



So what does this ostensibly mean? That we’re swept up in a plastic activist trend? Probably. But, according to Twitter, the amount the above changes, is nothing.



Ok, Internet.