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Climate change? We need political climate change

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Cec Poole, an inveterate writer of letters to the Editor, reacts to the latest dire warnings on climate change and ponders what he can do to save the world because politicians don’t seem to be up to it.

 

 

The Editor,
The Big Smoke

 

Dear Sir,

Climate scientists are warning about the world tipping over into a “hothouse” state of uncontrollable warming from which there is no return.

How the hell am I supposed to react to a dire revelation like that? What can I possibly do to prevent the greenhouse effect developing into the hothouse?

My first reaction was either to join Tony Abbott in the Rural Fire Service or call for him to be interned as a nympholeptic sceptic.

Then I almost called my electricity supplier to terminate supply but realised just in time it would mean missing the remaining episodes of The Block.

I even considered voting for the Greens but reflected that if that led to Richard Di Natale becoming Prime Minister and Sarah Hanson Young becoming Foreign Minister it would take us beyond the hothouse into the nuthouse.

Perhaps the time has come for the re-emergence of Tim Flannery as the harbinger of climate change disasters. Constant reminders about rising sea levels and falling Warragamba Dam levels could help get things back into balance, especially if the desalination plant was working.

I’m seriously thinking of moving close to the desalination plant so that in an emergency I can take a watering can there to get takeaway.

I think it’s time for Peter Dutton to take decisive action on climate change by stipulating that Australia will only accept refugees who don’t emit carbon. We can no longer afford to accept refugees who cause incremental carbon emissions, and Peter’s initiative to repatriate carbon-emitting Kiwi criminals is exactly the sort of bold action we need to prevent the hothouse effect.

Having reviewed the rising temperatures and increasing emissions from Emma Husar’s office, Bill Shorten has taken decisive action against climate change by deciding she’s not sustainable and should be removed from Labor’s endangered species list.

I’m seriously thinking of moving close to the desalination plant so that in an emergency I can take a watering can there to get takeaway.

It’s a good job that Kevin didn’t follow through on his promise to tackle the “greatest moral challenge of our time” because that has turned out to be Barnaby Joyce.

Having carried out an in-depth worldwide study of government action to prevent climate change I’ve reached the conclusion that politicians will never accord the same priority to saving the world as they do to saving their arses.

If the Kyoto Protocol, the Paris Accord and Julia’s carbon tax haven’t been successful in preventing climate change I’m not all that confident about Malcolm’s NEG. At least it will ensure that China and India will cop most of blame for carbon emissions emanating from Aussie coal.

On second thought, I think I’ll give up on saving the world and simply resign myself to the certainty of ending up either in the hothouse, the Big House, the madhouse or the shithouse.

 

Yours ecologically,

Cec Poole

 

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