TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Kanye drops swear in WH, Prince Harry for GG, Storm destroys small town

Evan Vucci/AP/REX/Shutterstock

Overnight, Kanye West travelled to Donald’s house to cuss in it, Prince Harry/William was suggested to be our governor-general and marge, marge, the rains are here.



Kanye travels to the White House to praise hat, Leonard Cohen zings him from beyond the grave.

Honestly, I’m tired of the Kanye cycle. He says something stupid, we roll our eyes, he takes offence, he gives offence. He can’t help himself, we can’t help ourselves, even after we’re dead. The cycle goes on. continues. Sunrise, sunset.

In the last recent time slip alone, we’ve had Kanye call for the abolishment for the amendment that outlawed slavery, he deleted his social media account (which was a shame, as it was a ‘Ye goldmine), and this morning, he travelled to the White House to extol the virtues of a magic red heat and say a naughty word in Donald’s playhouse.



Kanye, obviously, is baiting us. The line he uttered, in that he doesn’t “…answer questions in simple sound bites. You are tasting a fine wine. It has multiple notes to it,” indicates this. His nonsense is the cherry pie suspiciously cooling below that cardboard box help up by a stick. In the words of the great internet moderator himself, it’s a trap.

It must be bizarre to be Kanye, namely in him having to tiptoe around his mental maladies in order to trap it in a manageable pen. It’s hard enough for we normal people to accomplish it, let alone in front of a live studio audience of seven billion haters, all looking for you to reveal the person that you no longer are, because that’s the one they love. Not this version. Not the new Kanye.

Tell you what, Yeezy. Bring it in. It’s ok. It’s not your fault.



Prince Harry suggested as an option to fill governor-general role. Ok.

The governor-general is an extremely important job, so important that only primary school children truly understand it. For we, the common taxpaying Australian, we’re unsure. However, to assist our understanding, the powers that be have pulled a marketing gimmick from the 1980s – tone-deaf brit-backed celebrity endorsement. According to the standing/sitting government,  it seems they’d be open to either Prince Harry/William taking the (soon to be vacant) job. To add nonsense to hubris, the question was raised during a discussion on whether we should push towards becoming a republic. Fudge it, rub some celebrity on it, and suitability be damned.

To be fair, it’d be akin to peak-Neighbours Kylie overseeing the privatisation of Sydney’s rail network, she did, after all, teach us how to do the locomotion. Plus it’s Kylie. Everybody loves Kylie. She’ll get everyone on board.

Call me a rank traditionalist, but I prefer my GG’s to fight in questionable ground wars on behalf of the Empire, not organise them, hey. I’m officially calling for a republic, and to convince us all, I’m enlisting the sardonic powers of Red Symonds and his gong. He’ll give the Monarchy a score of three, and then we’ll be free.



Very small town destroyed by very large hailstorm, nation checks status of roadside membership.

As per the ABC, the Queensland small town of Tansey was bludgeoned by a remarkable hail storm, seemingly ruining the entirety of the town. I may be guilty of reading the headline and not the article proper, but it seems that the whole metropolis is solely kept in the two seats of a 1955 Ford Thunderbird, which is pictured below next to Mayor/Judge/Postie/Shop owner/Diplomat/Town sheriff, Ryan McKinnon.



ABC News


With the wheels coming off Tansey (sorry), the question now must turn to the election, and to the Morrison government. Are they going to be the roadside assistance for small-town Australia, or are our battlers set to thumb the highway in the vain attempt that someone will stop and help them out.









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