With the news that YouTube is set to crack down on the promotion of conspiracy videos, this woke insomniac is wondering who made them do it…and why.
If the information age is a party, then the conspiracy theory is the drunk that spoils it. This week, YouTube has decided to cut the latter off, toggling their algorithms to no longer promote theories of a nefarious nature. Via a blog post, the company said that it was taking a “closer look” at how it can reduce the spread of content that “comes close to — but doesn’t quite cross the line” of violating its rules. In searches past, the company has criticised for redirecting users to conspiracies and false content when they’re watching regular news.
Which is a tinfoil shame. Conspiracy theories are an important part of the zeitgeist, particularly on YouTube. I mean, look at Alex Jones. Without him, we wouldn’t know about the chemicals in the water that turned the friggin’ frogs gay. And we certainly wouldn’t have this remix to dance to. While I admit it gets out of hand, especially to those who accept nonsense as gospel, or the twist it as the reason to their ugliness, but those people need Jesus…or lizard people.
However, the real victims of this algorithmic shuffle, is the clued in, the average insomniac. You, me, whoever. Those wilfully tumble down the hole of nonsense, soundtracked by automatic voices and iMovie star wipes. Conspiracy theory listicles are an important part of our diet. We don’t need it to survive, we need it to take our minds off our own survival, and indeed, the tepid flavour of everyday life. Life sucks, but it’s a trifle more interesting if aliens (not saying it’s aliens, but) were behind the controls. I mean, nonsense breeds more interesting nonsense in return.
After all, unchecked conspiratorial nonsense gave us this, and long may it live:
The most shocking photos before death may as well be my own, as now I’m going to have to willingly go elsewhere to scratch my curious itch. Which, goddamn it, I use Youtube because I’m too lazy to do my own thinking. I’m your prototypical user, YT. You’re killing us, albeit in an extremely suspicious manner. It makes me think. Can a toggled algorithm melt steel beams? Now I have to go to the dark web to find out.